Branded
by Green Sphynx
Summary: Sequel to 'Name'. Finding Syaoran does not make the lives of Fai, Kurogane and Sakura much easier after their trauma in Acid Tokyo.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote a drabble to continue ****_Name_**** by request, but was urged almost violently to continue it to a complete fic. I tried, I really did, but even after I've already written more words than my average oneshot, I still have no idea where this is going. That's why I will simply name this a practice. My personal angst-practice. I don't have much experience in writing angst, but a few of the people regularly requesting things from me seem to thrive on angst.**

**So please regard this fic purely as a published practice, and not as a full-blown story. People may notice some strong parallels with stories from Obsidian Buterfly, but I have in fact gotten permission to publish this anyways. (But hereby: I do ****_not_**** claim originality here)**

**Warnings: Dark themes, aftermath of ****_Name_**** (which was rape/torture), failing English**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles or any of the ideas of other fanfiction authors I used in this practice.**

* * *

_Branded_

To say Fai was shocked at the sight of the boy in the alleyway was a great understatement.

Of course he had been cold towards this new 'Syaoran' when he took the place of his clone in their group. He wasn't proud of it, but could he really be blamed for avoiding the person with the same face of the boy who betrayed him, discarded his offered help like an old shoe and gauged out his eye, proceeding to eat it? He knew this kid couldn't help it. It wasn't his fault. But it was still hard to act kindly to him.

That didn't mean he had deserved this.

Syaoran lay drooped against the wall in an alleyway, already drenched even though it was only drizzling and they had run over as soon as Fai felt the spark of magic signifying the clone's dimension travels. Syaoran had probably been drenched before being put here, but he looked miserably like a drowned cat. He wasn't wearing any clothes, but a ratty sheet was dropped haphazardly on top of him, only just covering his privates and part of his chest.

Not the part with the burn mark.

His entire body looked battered and broken, the twisted turns in his legs betraying different fractures from ankles to knees. The arm lolling free from the sheet looked like it had at least 4 fractures as well. His whole body was covered in welts, but no deeper cuts.

Just that mark.

Right underneath his right collarbone, still bleeding and festering on the corners. A bat-like mark. A signature.

Even though the large amount of fractures in his bones and the blanket of welts covering his skin, Syaoran looked too broken for the superficial damage to be the cause. His eyes were empty, staring straight forward and not reacting to movement.

When Kurogane carefully lifted the broken body, the boy still didn't react. The only proof they had of him being alive was the steady bleeding of the burn mark and the ever so soft movement of his chest.

Fai's breath halted in his throat when he saw what the bastard had done to the boy, shown to him only as Kurogane turned with the boy in his arms. Kurogane would notice soon enough.

There was no mistaking the white substance being released like a thin waterfall from Syaoran's slack opened ass, the movement allowing the liquid to escape.

Fai gritted his teeth, his eyes flashing gold in anger.

This man. This monster. He wouldn't get away with all these crimes.

...

Kurogane really didn't know what to think.

When he first picked up the motionless body of the boy – eliciting no reaction at all – he was quite aware things were rather bad for the kid. He made sure to pull the ratty soaked sheet over the kid's privates, to ensure at least _some_ remaining thought of dignity no matter how small, but there was no way he couldn't notice the way the broken limbs dangled from the body.

For a moment he feared the boy was already dead, but no matter how chilled, the body still held a warmth underneath the cold skin, and the barely noticeable motion of the kid's chest proved he had to be still breathing. Kurogane mourned the fact he didn't check the kid's pulse _before _picking him up, for it may have saved him some anxiousness he was not used to feeling.

When he turned around, standing up to carry the boy back to their temporal apartment, he felt something wet splattering his shoes. He hoped dearly it was not a stream of blood – an amount enough to feel it splattering like that would mean the boy would really have not much longer to live – and a selfish part hoped it wasn't just the boy's bladder giving out either.

The disgusted scowl on Fai's face said enough. He'd seen the vampire look angry more often lately, but this particular look of deep disgust and hatred was new.

He still had no clue of what exactly it was now staining his shoes, but he was sure he'd be finding out soon enough. Not now, as the vampire tucked the sheet between the boy's legs and Kurogane's arm to protect the boy's naked form in an unexpected tender gesture.

...

Sakura's eyes widened when she opened the door for Kurogane and Fai, not having expected the ninja to be carrying the limp form of Syaoran. For a split second her heart lit up, hoping it would be _her_ Syaoran they found, but the empty staring eyes were both deep gentle brown.

Empty eyes.

Oh God.

Never had she seen such dead eyes on a living person before. At least not within the memories she currently possessed, but she hoped sincerely she had actually never seen it.

Because it broke her heart.

Stumbling back into the hallway, Fai quickly caught her shoulders and started cooing softly to her. It didn't quite work with the scowl still present on his face, and Sakura wasn't sure when she had started sobbing either. She was supposed to act cold towards this Syaoran. It was supposed to save him, to save his life and allow him to reach his goal.

But not like this. He wouldn't be able to like this.

Kurogane carried the boy straight to his own room, seemingly not caring it meant he would no longer have a bed in this house if he put Syaoran in.

_Silly girl. Of course he wouldn't care. Look at him!_

Only now – after several minutes had passed – she suddenly realized she felt sick. Very sick.

Tearing herself free from Fai's grip, she sprinted towards the bathroom, only managing to keep herself upright by propelling herself forward using every wall on the way. Dropping on her knees in front of the toilet, she vomited.

* * *

**As this IS a practice, I would be very happy with some constructive criticism ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

Fai made sure to pat Sakura's back every few seconds while he emptied the cupboards of bandages, salves and every other single thing that could possibly be used to fix the boy somewhat. As he pulled free a pile of towels, making a few wet with warm water to clean the boy up, Kurogane stormed in.

The stormy look on his face showed he had found out what it was, leaking from Syaoran's body. Without a word the ninja snatched away the towels, kicking off his dirty shoes in the bathtub without further ceremony and storming back out.

Fai paused just long enough to assure Sakura would be alright, wiping her mouth for her gently. She nodded to him in thanks, and he scooped up the medical equipment and followed after the ninja to take care of Syaoran.

Even this second time, the sight was chilling him to the bone. Kurogane sent him a glare as if to dare him to comment on the ninja currently attempting to clean up the boy's privates, revealing a whole bunch of welts on his ass and scratches as if his softer groin had been handled with the happy use of almost-blunt nails.

Fai wouldn't have commented even had he been forced.

He softly paced forward, avoiding the empty eyes staring at him. Was the boy still able to see anyway? Had he become blind?

No, if it were just that he would have reacted to touch. Seeing the way he looked, he would at least have panicked the moment Kurogane reached between his legs, most likely.

Sliding his fingers up the Syaoran's legs light as feathers, he tried to survey the damage. He may not be able of healing magic, he was able to solve a little puzzle with it.

Well, more like laying a mosaic, considering the state of Syaoran's lower legs.

It would probably hurt the boy like hell if he tried to put every shard back in place. He had no clue how to _not_ make it hurt, or how it was supposed to go in normal situation. He had no idea of _healing_. All he could do was slide everything back in the place it came from, bandage it up and hope it would grow back together by itself.

Sliding his fingers further up, he found Syaoran's upper legs were practically unscathed. This surprised him, and he quickly moved to the boy's left arm, finding the same thing there: completely shattered below the elbow, undamaged above. The right arm had been given mercy, as it seemed.

Fai's stomach rolled at the implications, finding it a bit too easy to think of reasons _why_ one arm would be allowed to remain useable.

"Kurogane. Can you wrap up his arm and legs if I set them straight?"

The ninja gave him a sharp glare. "I thought you claimed to be unable of healing magic?"

Fai gave him a lopsided smile, the best he could do to show the man how horrible the situation must be for him to even offer this. "Yes. That's why I need you to bandage him. I can't heal it. I can only put everything back in place."

Kurogane looked at him long and hard, before finally moving his gaze back to Syaoran's blank face. "Don't we need to make sure he won't feel it?"

"Yes. We probably should."

...

Even with their efforts to make the boy pass out – it was a bit hard to see if they had succeeded if he didn't react to anything anyway, the only measure being the eyes dropping closed – the pain the vampire's magic seemed to cause finally elicited the first movement from the kid.

The moment the circle of runes enveloped the kid's ankle, all his muscles tensed and he shot up, a rough blood-curdling scream erupting from his mouth which dropped open limply. The one good arm shot forward, fingers curled like claws, but not reaching anything. Kurogane restrained the weakened boy, quickly finding a pressure point to roughly send him under again.

Although the kid dropped back, his body bucked and thrashed as the mage continued his spell, pained looks on every face present in the room. Kurogane made sure to keep the kid down, glaring at the vampire helplessly as tears started to run down the boy's just cleaned face.

"Get out," he growled dangerously as the princess peeked around the corner of the room, face as white as a sheet. She didn't hesitate to follow his order.

...

Sakura curled up next to the couch, pressing her hands against her ears to not have to hear the pained sounds from Kurogane's room. The screams which made her blood run cold had stopped rather quickly, probably due to some action of Kurogane. She had made the mistake to actually go and _check_ on them.

The image of Syaoran thrashing on the bed with Kurogane holding him down was burned into her mind. Every groan now erupting from the room made her shiver and sob, _seeing_ Syaoran's struggles without needing to look.

A soft whimper told her Mokona was hiding underneath the couch behind her, but she paid the creature no mind.


	3. Chapter 3

It took a full three hours for the boy's breathing to return to normal. Kurogane had firmly bandaged the broken limbs, using what used to be a chair before it broke under the ninja's weight two days ago to splint the arm and legs.

Not knowing how to bring an unconscious hyperventilating boy back to reality, Fai had just held a paper bag over Syaoran's mouth until the hyperventilating stopped, hoping he wouldn't suffocate the boy while doing so. But even as that was over, Syaoran's breathing remained hard and shivering, like he was on the verge of crying but too far gone to do so.

For a while the boy had somewhat reacted to touches. He flinched from Fai's gentle fingers as he tried to calm him, and whimpered at every sound made in the room. Even when Fai touched the bed, Syaoran had immediately attempted to shift away, not succeeding due to his immobilized legs.

Only when his breathing had finally become soft and calm again, the boy's unconscious skittishness subsided, eyes opening.

Fai wasn't sure which one was better, the scared sleeping boy or the unresponsive one with the wide empty eyes.

When he tried to feed Syaoran, the boy had remained like a statue, offering no reaction to the mage's coaxing. When Fai tried to make Syaoran open his mouth by pressing his jaw, all muscles had tightened. Fai could've forced open the boy's mouth had he really wanted to, but he decided against it, fearing he would only damage the already broken boy more.

He tried for half an hour, and then gave up.

...

Kurogane turned on the couch uncomfortably. It was too small for him to sleep on, but it was out of the question to move Syaoran from the bed. Maybe they should have found themselves an apartment with at least four beds after all, no matter the boy having been missing for two weeks when they arrived in this world.

Two week when they arrived. Three weeks in total.

Had it been the same time for the kid?

Turning again, he gritted his teeth. That bastard with his bat-mark. Brandishing Syaoran's chest just to show off, just to show them who was superior.

Raping the kid raw and open, worse than a whore deserved.

Heck, he was glad he put another sheet underneath the kid after he was cleaned up and bandaged. When the mage came out of the room almost four hours after he left them, he was carrying that sheet with a scowl, eyes flashing in anger. The way he was holding the stained sheet suggested strongly the boy's sphincter had been abused until it no longer worked properly.

When he had checked the kid Fai had covered him with a blanket, eyes staring straight forward again, body motionless on the bed. Peeking underneath the blankets proved his suspicions correct, Fai having created a make-shift diaper from another sheet to keep the boy from soiling the bed.

Kurogane had tucked the blanket underneath the mattress on both sides, providing the slightest bit of privacy for the boy. The least they could do was prevent Sakura from finding out about this particular problem.

If he ever got his hands on that bastard, he'd make sure to shove that nice bat-marked sword all the way up his ass.

...

"Won't you eat a little, Syaoran?" she offered the boy a quivering smile, but received no response. Kurogane had pulled him up to a sitting position while Sakura had stuffed pillows behind his back, but as Fai already told her he refused to eat.

Well, it's not like he _refused_. It's just that he didn't react to it, just like everything else. The empty eyes remained, staring into an unknown distance.

Sakura lifted the spoon anyway, prodding with it at Syaoran's lips. To her surprise, he slowly blinked and opened his mouth.

She startled when she noticed the difference in his eyes. Not that he had become more lively, nor that he offered any more reaction than taking the spoon of broth into his mouth and keep it there, but the shininess. The fact his eyes were wet.

"Oh God," she muttered to herself, tears leaking into her own eyes. That was the first time he'd blinked since opening his eyes this morning. His eyes must be drying out.

She gave him another quivering smile, making up her resolve to force him to blink from now on. Noticing he wasn't swallowing, she carefully cradled his face. "Go on, swallow." Another smile, she was getting better at it now.  
Not sure how to make him swallow the broth, she presented him another spoon full hoping he would swallow by himself to make place for the next. She sighed in relief when he did so, taking the next bit in his mouth without any other reaction.

She somehow managed to make him finish an entire bowl of broth, presenting him with an empty spoon to make him swallow the last bit. Gently pressing down his eyelids, she smiled again, feeling relieved.

When his eyes opened, they were blank as before.

How could she blame him any longer?

Setting the bowl aside, she broke down in heavy sobs, pressing her face in the sheets as Syaoran continued to stare unblinkingly.


	4. Chapter 4

Although he knew the maids had just been making fun of him at the time, Fai felt rather thankful for having been taught how to fold diapers now. He had taken the freshly bought load of sheets to his own room to prevent Sakura from spotting it, and was folding a few so he would be able to jump to action quickly when things started to get smelly.

He wondered if the boy's sphincter would be able to heal. Was it just stretched so far and long it took time to retreat to its original shape, or was the muscle actually damaged and ripped, to never heal again? He certainly hoped it would heal, because if they ever got Syaoran back to the world again he'd be having some serious problems walking around without working sphincter.

He cringed when he heard Sakura sobbing. Should he go over to her? Or should he rather leave her to calm down by herself a little, giving her a bit of privacy?

He managed to finish his stack, but by the time he put the last folded diaper on the pile his heart was tearing at the sounds. How was she able to sound so utterly heart-broken? It shouldn't be allowed for people to do that.

He swooped one of the diapers and a load of bandages, drugs and salves in his arms and hurried to the boy's room.

Kurogane's room.

The ninja was on the couch, looking like he was asleep. Was he that exhausted from one night? Or was he afraid to face Sakura?

Entering the room, he saw Sakura leaning on the side of the bed, crying her eyes out in the blanket. Fai slightly tensed up. He was kind of sure Syaoran's arms had been positioned along his body when he was hoisted up, and now his good arm was laying suspiciously close to Sakura's head.

Had she held his hand?

Or had he moved?

"Sakura," he said softly, depositing his pile on a chair in a way the sheet on the bottom would not be recognizable.

Sakura jolted up, quickly facing Fai with large reddened eyes.

"Did you get him to eat?" He managed to chicken out.

She nodded, quickly rubbing at her eyes before standing up. "He ate the broth. I'll make him some porridge later on, so he gets something a little more solid."

"I'll be tending his wounds now," Fai smiled at her, shortly putting a hand on her shoulder before quickly retreating it. "Why don't you go and check how Mokona's doing?"

"I- I will!"

Fai's smile dropped off his face when she hurried out. He wasn't happy to see that festering brand-mark on Syaoran's chest.

Turning around, he immediately met blank eyes.

...

"Oi, mage."

As soon as the vampire entered the living room – a subtle package in his hands – Kurogane's eyes snapped open, turning around to face him.

"Did the kid eat yet?"

"Yes," Fai nodded, "Sakura made him eat."

"Really?" Kurogane frowned, "so he responds to her?"

"I'm not sure." The mage moved skittishly, eager to get rid of the package in his hands.

Kurogane stared the mage down for a moment, a frown appearing on the blonde's face in impatience for being kept in place.

"You think the kid will ever recover?"

Fai's eye widened, as if he hadn't thought of it before. Perhaps he had tried to avoid that thought.

"I... I hope he will. It will be difficult though."

"Maybe we should get help of local healers."

The vampire shook his head. "We don't know what will happen if we do. They may take him away again. They may put him away as a madman. We need to keep him here."

Kurogane lifted an eyebrow questioningly. That was some surprising paranoia from the mage.

Fai faltered, shifting from foot to foot. "I'll hand Sakura something that should make him sleep for a while. He won't open his mouth for me."

Kurogane scowled as the mage hurried outside to clean out the sheet in his hands. But what if his bones wouldn't heal? And his sphincter? And most importantly, his mind?

...

She shortly pressed down Syaoran's eyelids, before turning to pick up the bowl of porridge from the tray. Syaoran's gaze did not waver, nor did he move apart from what she had forced him to do with her fingers.

She sighed, before plastering up her smile again. "I've brought you some more to eat Syaoran. You must be hungry." Bringing the spoon to his lips he obediently opened his mouth again, closing his lips around the spoon. "You really look a little pale. I'm going to make you eat lots and lots of food so you'll get better quickly, okay?"

When he offered no reaction, she slowly reached out to make him blink again, his eyes looking awfully dry with her absence of a few hours.

"I know I have been acting a little cold towards you before," she admitted, her smile a little strained as she pressed the filled spoon against his lips again, "but I didn't mean to be cruel, you know. I was doing it for your own good." She hesitated, quickly bringing up another spoon full while he swallowed a little difficultly. "I only wanted to help you get stronger, and make it easier for you on the long go."

When his blank eyes still looked dry, she pressed his eyelids down again before offering the next spoon.

"I'm not going to keep that up now." She laughed a little awkwardly, fingers clenching around the spoon. "There's no reason for me to keep it up like this. I c-can't."

She trembled, still for a moment. She couldn't be cold to him now. He needed her. He needed her really badly. He would only eat if she fed him, right? So she was the only one who could make him eat and drink, and take sleep pills. He was hurt and broken and lost.

The future she had seen, the future she had wanted to change. Looking at him now, it seemed that bat lord had already done it for her.

Her shoulders shook, her eyes squeezing shut to keep down the tears. Tears which still rolled down her cheeks.

No, she had to be strong now. Syaoran needed her.

Opening her eyes, she managed to bring the smile back to her wet face a little shakily. She absent-mindedly sidled his good arm next to his body, before pressing down his eyelids once again. She tried to look cheerful as she fed him another bite of the porridge she made for him.

The lack in response made her shiver once again. So cold. So empty.

Crumbling the sleep pill above the porridge she was going to offer him now, she forced the smile back on her face.

"I'm going to help you sleep, okay? I'm sure you must be tired."

When she prodded his lips with the spoon full of porridge and sleeping med, he blinked.


	5. Chapter 5

Three steps into the room and Syaoran's eyes opened.

Fai hissed softly, having hoped to get the boy cleaned up before the sleeping meds lost their effect. Weren't they supposed to last for one or two extra hours? Did Sakura give them earlier?

No, that was impossible. He had seen her go in with the pills and the porridge.

Resignedly, he put the sheets down and walked up to the boy, who hadn't acknowledged his presence. He stripped the blankets away from the boy, first peeling off the bandage on his chest.

Spreading a little salve on a new bandage, he smoothed it over the brand mark, hiding the ugly burn from view as fast as possible. For a moment he thought a small shudder went through the boy's body, but he could've imagined it.

Scrunching his nose in disgust – though it wasn't meant for the boy – he reached down and started undoing the sheet functioning as diaper. He had brought some balm as well this time, to put on the welts covering Syaoran's ass and lower back. He still wasn't sure how he was going to turn around the boy without accidentally hurting his arms and legs, but he'd be damned to ask for help to do something which felt like he was humiliating him only further.

With a surprised grunt he backed away when Syaoran's hand suddenly clawed at him. The boy blinked rapidly, but did not move his gaze while his body started trembling, the hand gripping at something which wasn't there.

"S-Syaoran," Fai quickly moved back to the boy, offering his hand, uncertain what he wanted. "Syaoran, what's wrong?"

A deep shudder ran through the boy's entire body, and his legs twitched together as far as possible with the heavy splints. His fingers curled around Fai's hand, and to his utter surprise they started a pumping movement.

Fai even surprised himself by blushing furiously, trying to retract his fingers from the boy's pumping hand. Syaoran's eyes finally moved, shooting from one side to the other without focusing, all his limbs straining to move. Small whimpers started spilling from his lips, mouth dropping open as if expecting something.

Expecting something in his mouth.

With a cry Fai pulled his hand free. Syaoran froze up completely, before trying to curl up, crying and sobbing. His hand clawed at the bandage on his chest, then his face, fingers slipping in his mouth as if to muffle himself.

To muffle himself, or for entirely different reasons Fai did not want to know. Fai refused to acknowledge the thought of Syaoran being taught to use his own fingers to... to...

Fai's fingers curled around the boy's wrist the moment the hand moved down, pinning it to the bed. Syaoran thrashed, maybe confused, probably scared.

"N-no!"

...

Kurogane shot upright on the couch the moment he heard Fai's cry.

Fai's cry? How? Where?

The sound didn't come from the mage's room? When did he move? How'd he managed to not wake up the ninja?

Disorientated, it took him a moment longer to filter out the sobbing noises erupting from the kid's room.

On the sound of the whimpered protest Kurogane burst into the room, seeing the vampire pinning down the boy's good hand on the bed, the blankets pulled off and the sheet-with-other-function opened around the kid's squirming hips. The sight was disgusting, but currently not the main problem.

Fai shot him a panicked look, one hand fluttering as if not sure where to put it while the other kept the boy's wrist pinned down.

"What's happening?" He asked explosively, taking two large steps forward and pressing the kid's body down on the bed to avoid him damaging himself further than he already was.

"I-I don't know," Fai replied shakily, "I just wanted to clean him up, a-and... He suddenly started struggling."

"Tell me all of it, damn mage," Kurogane spat.

Fai flinched, visibly shaken by the reaction the boy had on him. "His hand was searching for something... I offered him my hand, but it seems like that wasn't what he was expecting."

"What?"

The panicked look started to fade from the vampire's face, being replaced by an angry scowl. "He was pumping my hand. When I pulled away, he started slicking up his fingers in his mouth."

It took Kurogane a moment to connect the dots, but when he did he felt rage spreading through his veins like liquid fire.

"I'm going to kill that bastard. Painfully."

...

It took Sakura quite a while to identify what she was hearing in the remnants of early-morning sleep. As soon as she realized what it was, she was on her feet and limping to Syaoran's room.

The sight that met her made her blush and instinctively cover her eyes.

Syaoran was naked on the bed, Kurogane keeping down his struggling form while Fai was doing _something_ at crotch-height which she couldn't see due to his back being in between. When Kurogane noticed her he seemed alarmed, like she wasn't supposed to see this.

Of course she wasn't supposed to see this. It was degrading putting Syaoran in such a position.

But she had seen now anyway. She noticed how Fai was in fact cleaning Syaoran like one would a baby after soiling its diaper. A comparison settling even stronger in her brain as she saw the sheet laying ready to be used next to Fai, in exactly that form.

She could've thought of this herself, of course. If he showed no response to any stimulus and wouldn't communicate his needs to them by any means, it was plain stupid to expect him to be able to keep up his needs for a trip to the bathroom.

In a way, she was still thankful for the men for trying to keep this from her, understanding it was supposed to keep just a little of Syaoran's dignity intact.

On the other hand it made her mad they didn't ask her help.

At a particularly heart-breaking whimper she sprung to action. Quickly moving forward, she placed herself on the edge of the bed, far enough up to not hinder Fai's work. She circled her arms around Syaoran's torso, pressing him close and whispering soothingly in his ear.

He would probably have delivered her some nasty blows had it not been for Kurogane keeping him down, but as she murmured in his ear he seemed to calm down a little. After a while he just lay there, shuddering while Fai worked as fast as he could without hurting the boy.

The moment Kurogane released his arm it curled around Sakura, clinging to her like a lifeline.

She subtly wiped her tears on the cushion next to Syaoran's head while she kept whispering to him.

When Fai pulled the blankets back over his almost-naked form, he was back to the way he was. His arm slowly dropping beside him as she pulled back, his eyes staring emptily at the ceiling.

Like nothing had happened.


	6. Chapter 6

Syaoran had become... more lively. Not that he responded or actively communicated anything, but instead of his frozen staring he now moved.

Fai watched entranced as the boy slowly blinked again. He did so every few minutes. Fai was quite sure he could have used the slow blinks as a clockwork, so steady was the slow rhythm.

Also, Syaoran tended to randomly part his lips half an inch, close them again and swallow with difficulty. Fai had attempted to give the boy something to eat or drink, thinking that's what he wanted, but the moment anything touched his lips he grew rigid, jaw snapping shut and remaining tense for three blinks.

Having seen Sakura forcing the boy to blink, and knowing the princess had fed him, Fai simply assumed these were movements Sakura taught him.

He couldn't place the faint twitches in Syaoran's hand though, and he simply hoped it was a sign of the boy slowly returning to them and _not_ the boy attempting to perform actions he had been taught _before_ he got here.

After Syaoran had calmed down, he had sent Sakura back to bed. The girl was pale and trembling, visibly shaken from what had occurred. Fai was quite sure she hadn't been sleeping very well either, is the creaking of her bed the entire night was anything to go by.

He had decided to stay with Syaoran a little longer himself, the ninja retreating as well at Fai's probably troubled face. He couldn't help but wonder if it was _his_ fault Syaoran had reacted like that.

Syaoran seemed to tolerate anything Sakura did. Of course he did, didn't he love her?

No, that had been the clone. This Syaoran had even stated out loud the feelings the clone had developed for his princess were from the clone himself, not from the person his heart had originated from. So this Syaoran didn't love Sakura.

Didn't he?

Then why did he immediately volunteer to come with them, back in Acid Tokyo? He said he had something he had to do, but was that really all? The way he acted towards Sakura, the way he had looked hurt at her cold demeanor...

Even if he hadn't loved her for himself, he clearly had developed feelings for her as well in the time he had watched through his clone's eye.

Fai snorted to himself. Of course he did. Who wouldn't fall in love with such a bright loving smile?

So it was easy to explain why Sakura could do anything to Syaoran in this state without the boy panicking. The boy actually doing as she taught him, blinking and eating.

But Syaoran had no such connection to Fai.

When Fai was changing him earlier, had he panicked because someone was undressing him? Or had he panicked because _Fai_ was undressing him? Surely Syaoran would've paid it no heed had it been Sakura.

But hadn't he changed Syaoran before that already? He had changed the boy's bandages and cleaned the boy up – rather intimately. Maybe he reacted because he was waking up now?

But why? Was he scared of touch, or was he scared of Fai?

Fai buried his face in his hands.

"I'm so sorry, Syaoran."

...

Slow. *shlink*

Deliberate. *shlink*

Teeth gritting, jaw relaxing.

Mokona cowered away from him as he send the little creature a harsh glare.

Not that he meant to actually _glare_ at the critter, it wasn't like he was angry with Mokona this time.

No, not this time. This time, he was quite angry with someone else.

*shlink*

Turning his blade, he inspected the sharpness of the edge. This could be done better.

Slowly he returned to the previous position, sharpening and cleaning his blade meditatively. It was the only thing he could do not to throttle the white meatbun to call up that witch and force her to tell him where to get that bastards with the tip of his sword on her throat.

He scoffed, only half aware of him doing so. *shlink*

It wouldn't work that way, he knew that. That's why he was calmly – _calmly _– sharpening his sword, instead of doing all the throttling and threatening at the wrong persons.

Heck, who was he fooling? There was no way he was calm, or even close to a meditative state of mind.

Clenching Souhi in his fist to his side, he abruptly stood, making Mokona jump and hide in the kitchen where Sakura was making food. He briskly marched over to the room with the kid, only growing careful and soft again as he opened the door.

He had no intention of throwing the boy off in another panic-attack by being unnecessarily indelicate.

Fai looked up at him from where he had been resting his head in his hands, that awful fake smile plastered on his face again while his one eye closed in fake-mirth.

"Syaoran is moving," the mage simply stated.

Kurogane looked at the boy in surprise, just catching him opening his eyes after a slow blink.

"Did he do anything more?" He strode towards the boy's bedside, not touching but looking closely at the still empty eyes and blank face. Awfully emotionless face, very much like the way the clone had regarded him when he told him to stop eating the mage's eyes.

"He blinks, and goes through the motions of eating. I think he may be hungry. Is Sakura making him food yet?"

He responded with a curt nod, eyes transfixed. After another slow blink had occurred, the boy's mouth slowly opened, only to close again and swallow dryly.

"He's parched."

"He won't let me give him anything. I'm sure Sakura won't be much longer."

Stubbornly Kurogane reached for the glass of water on the side table, touching it to Syaoran's bottom lip. The boy's eyelids fluttered and his jaw clenched, lips pulling taut.

"See?"

Kurogane huffed and put the glass back, retreating from the kid's bed.

...

Sakura blinked with a little surprise when she found both Fai and Kurogane staring into different corners in the room with Syaoran. The moment she entered with a tray with soup, Kurogane jumped up, almost as if he was feeling guilty about something.

Maybe it bothered him she walked in on them this morning?

"He's moving, we think he's thirsty," he stated gruffly, before stalking out of the room.

Fai smiled a little sadly at her. "He's doing what you taught him, Sakura."

"He is?" She hurried over to Syaoran, putting the tray aside. Staring at him intently, she sunk down on the chair next to his bed. Her eyes brightened when Syaoran blinked. "He is! Fai, he's blinking by himself!"

Fai stood and walked to her, putting a hand on her shoulder while she wrapped her fingers around Syaoran's hand.

"He's also making eating motions." He patted her shoulder appraisingly. "Please keep up your work Sakura, I think you may be able to heal him bit by bit."

"I will," she nodded vehemently, a soft squeal falling from her lips as he blinked again, followed by his mouth shortly opening as if he was being prompted with the spoon.

"Then, I'll leave him to you for now." Fai retreated one step. "Please call us if something's wrong, okay?"

"I will," she turned to smile at him reassuringly, just catching him hiding an insecure look behind a goofy smile. She wasn't sure if she was happy to see him finally pick up those fake smiles again after what happened with the clone, or if she should be worried about him hiding his feelings once more.

She supposed it was a good step for him to go back to his usual demeanor, the being honest with his feelings could be a next step. But for now, Syaoran was her main worry.

She picked up the bowl with soup while Fai left the room.

"Let's give you something to eat, right Syaoran?" she smiled brightly.

As he blinked again, it almost seemed like his eyes focused for a moment. His fingers twitched, his arm slowly curling.

Sakura watched in awe, too surprised by his movements to remember offering him the spoon. But his hand stilled, his arm going slack again. She sighed softly, keeping her smile securely on her face as she finally gave him what he seemed to have been asking for all this time.

As his lips closed around the spoon, his eyes closed, his hand dropping on Sakura's knee. She jumped, but apart for swallowing he did no more.

Feeding Syaoran was just like the two times before, only this time with his eyes closed and a heavy, motionless hand on her knee.

* * *

**The happy update from the A/N in the starting chapter is that this is no longer plotless. I hope I can finish this smoothly, but at least this is going _somewhere_ now ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

Fai froze when he saw Sakura and Syaoran. A light pink dusted Sakura's cheeks as she heard him enter, but he knew she was quite unaware of why he felt a sudden distress course through his body.

They looked awfully cute like that, Sakura sitting so close to the bed her knees had to part slightly, pressing into the wood. Syaoran looking surprisingly calm, eyes closed and hand strayed to Sakura's knee. Sakura had both her hands on top of Syaoran's, fiddling slightly with his fingers as he seemed to sleep.

But it scared Fai. Because they hadn't told Sakura what had happened to Syaoran.

They hadn't told her what Syaoran did when he had panicked this morning.

No matter how cute they looked, how calm the boy's face was and how sweet her light blush, they couldn't know what Syaoran would do next. Maybe he was subconsciously aware it was Sakura by his side, but he had given Fai a reaction he'd been taught in that bastard's place.

What if Syaoran suddenly started doing that to _Sakura_?

Not only had they wanted to keep that bit of information from her, he couldn't stand the thought of Syaoran involuntarily assaulting Sakura. Nobody could do that to Sakura.

And Fai was quite sure Syaoran would be the first to protect her, had he been in his right state of mind. If Syaoran turned out to do it himself... Where would that leave the boy once he got back to full consciousness?

When he didn't approach them, Sakura turned her head to give him a questioning look. He quickly plastered his smile back on his face, and sauntered over to the bed. He had to be strong for her.

"How's Syaoran doing now?"

"He's calm," Sakura petted the boy's hand, a smile on her face, "although he's been unresponsive all this time, I feel like he hasn't been this _calm_ before. He isn't sleeping though."

"How do you know?" Fai leaned over, studying the boy's softened features.

"I think he hears me speak to him."

"He does?" Fai leaned back, folding his hands behind his head. "What are you telling him?"

"Nothing much. I told him a few of my memories, and I told him a little tale."

"And why do you think he hears you?"

"Because every time I feel a little sad..." She picked up the boy's hand, as if to show it to Fai as her smile dropped. "Every time I feel sad, he squeezes my hand."

A shudder ran through Fai's body as Syaoran's eyes seemed to flutter, and his fingers twitched the slightest bit, squeezing Sakura's hand.

...

"Is he sleeping?" Kurogane knew he sounded a bit too gruff to the princess, who was rubbing her eyes tiredly as she finally emerged from the boy's room that night.

"I think so," she answered softly.

Kurogane turned towards her on the couch. "Are you alright?"

She looked up, surprise flashing through large green eyes. "Uh, yes. Thank you."

"You're helping him," he muttered, "don't let his state drag you down."

She blinked at him a few times in confusion, before a wide smile spread on her face. "Thank you, Kurogane. It's very kind of you to say that. But you don't need to force yourself either."

That stung.

What made her think he was forcing himself?

"Look here," he started a little heatedly, before he became aware of her giggling. He huffed. "Just go to sleep."

"Yes, Kurogane." She stifled her giggling behind her hand as she quickly moved to her room, closing the door behind her.

Well, at least he had managed to cheer her up a little.

Huffing again, he lay down on the couch, turning to find a good spot on the ratty old thing to sleep.

...

Sakura lay still in bed, staring at her ceiling. Kurogane was right. She shouldn't let herself be sad all the time because of Syaoran's state. He needed her cheerful now.

The corners of her mouth turned op with effort. She should be cheerful.

Why did Syaoran panic this morning? What was it that scared him so much? Did Fai do anything to him?

No. Fai wouldn't hurt Syaoran.

Would he?

Fai had been bitter towards Syaoran after what happened in Tokyo. She shook her head, dispelling all thoughts of what had passed there. She had been bitter towards Syaoran after that too. But Fai had extra reason, right? He lost his eye, and he was forced to live on as a vampire. He and Kurogane sought privacy when Fai fed, but Sakura could clearly see Fai was disgusted by what he had become.

Had Syaoran been in time, it might not have happened. He said so himself.

Then again, Syaoran hadn't asked a single thing from them since he joined them. He had silently taken the stones being thrown at him in a world wrecked by his clone. He seemed like the type to take the blame even if it didn't belong to him.

But did Fai know that? Did Fai – bitter and hurt as he was – realize it wasn't really Syaoran's fault?

He couldn't have tried to hurt Syaoran this morning, could he?

Sakura turned in her bed, burying her face in her pillow. What was she _doing_? She couldn't doubt Fai like that!

Guilt gnawed at her like a starved animal. She had hurt Syaoran first, and now she was actually suspecting Fai of hurting the broken boy. Fai, who was trying so hard to help him, cleaning him without telling Sakura, trying to feed him even though he wouldn't respond to him.

Her pillow grew damp.

Quickly turning around again, she forced out a stiff chuckle. She had to be cheerful. For Syaoran.


	8. Chapter 8

It was hurting.

He didn't remember how it was to not hurt. He did know he wanted it to stop. Not hurting was sure to be better.

It burned.

He felt like on fire, but it was just that one point down there. It was spreading though. Like a ticking clock, it pulsed through his body.

A rather violent clock.

He tried to shift, but his body wouldn't obey him. He whimpered when he heard a soft low laugh, and the clock turned into a stick and the ticking turned into slamming.

He cried out.

...

He sighed in relief when the boy's eyes remained closed as he entered the room. He had made sure Sakura had given Syaoran his sleeping pills a little later yesterday, so that he would have more time to clean the boy up.

He stripped the blanket away from the boy's still form, wincing at the sight of the brand mark as he revealed it like he'd done every single time. He couldn't stand that mark. The mere sight of that mark made his blood boil.

He noticed a faint quiver in Syaoran's body when he taped the new bandage on the boy's skin.

"It's all right, Syaoran. I'm not going to hurt you." His smoothest, most soothing voice sounded hoarse and creepy to himself. Still, Syaoran did not offer any more reaction after the quiver, eyes closed.

His expression wasn't as peaceful as last night though, when Sakura had been next to him. Syaoran's lips were turned down, his eyebrows slightly rippled together.

Very – _very_ – carefully, he undid the sheet enveloping Syaoran's privates, opening them while keeping his eye trained on the boy's face for any sign of panic.

Syaoran slept on, not moving, not opening his eyes, not even shivering at the cold.

Once again sighing in relief, Fai carefully cleaned the boy up, spreading some salve on the welts covering the softer skin. They had lost their irritated redness, and Fai was sure they would heal quickly. Hopefully not leaving scars.

He folded a new sheet closed around Syaoran's groin, closed it up and covered the boy with the blanket neatly. He sat down, smiling at the boy.

"So you were calm this morning? Don't worry, we'll patch you up." Looking at the somewhat tranquil face, Fai felt at ease. The emptiness of his eyes was unnerving, but asleep Syaoran looked almost at peace. With an unpleasant dream, perhaps, but he wasn't tossing and turning either.

"If it's going to leave scars on your ass, you still don't have to worry," he entrusted the boy, "it's not like anyone is going to see that place. I'm sure that in the future, Sakura will be the only one who'll be shown a place like that. Am I right?" He chuckled softly, careful to keep his voice low.

To his surprise, his low laugh prompted a whimper from Syaoran, and the boy cringed.

"I'm not trying to hurt you," Fai tried softly, urgently.

Syaoran cried out quietly, making Fai jump to his feet.

"Syaoran," he asked breathlessly, debating whether he should or should not put his hand on the writhing boy's shoulder. Would it make things worse? Syaoran didn't like Fai much in this state. Would the boy panic again?

Suddenly the twisting stopped. Syaoran's eyes opened, and he shortly focused on the ceiling. Fai drew in a sharp breath, and Syaoran's eyes grew blank, his body relaxing.

...

Kurogane paused in the door. The kid was writhing and twisting, but he wasn't struggling like yesterday. He had cried out only softly, just loud enough for Kurogane to hear. But it seemed like Fai had everything under control this time.

The mage had already finished cleaning the boy up, the dirty sheet as a small wrapped package to the side of the bed. The kid was covered with a blanket, and looked more like he was having a nightmare than anything more severe.

The arm of the mage faltered, reaching forward to comfort the boy but not daring to touch. Kurogane winced inwardly. Of course the idiot would grow scared of touching the kid when he received such a violent reaction like yesterday. He just hoped he wasn't blaming himself, for they really couldn't use another instable fool right now.

From one moment to the next, the kid stopped his writhing. His body grew still completely. Fai's form was obscuring Kurogane's view to the kid's face, but the mage drew in a sharp breath.

"Oi mage, is everything alright here?"

Fai twisted around faster than Kurogane had thought possible, and his eyes widened in surprise. For a moment he thought the vampire was about to attack him, before he relaxed in place.

"I think he's slowly waking up."

"Really?" Kurogane paced forward to regard the kid, but Fai shook his head.

"No, not now. Slowly. He does something more every day. Just now his eyes focused for a moment, and yesterday he was performing movements Sakura taught him by himself. I think he may have moved his hand as well while Sakura was there, without panicking."

Fai looked back down at the boy, and Kurogane saw a look of regret cross the blonde's face.

"Do you think he's angry with me?"

Kurogane scoffed. "Why the hell would he be angry with you?"

Fai remained silent for a while, just staring at the blank brown eyes of the boy melancholically.

Kurogane twitched when suddenly the freaky grin of the mage made it's reappearance. "Oh nothing really, Kuro-pon! It's not like I did anything to him."

Kurogane glared after the mage as he picked up the dirty package and skipped out of the room like he had no worry in the world.

...

Sakura nearly dropped the tray the moment she stepped in. Clutching it in her hands, she rushed over to the bed, not caring about the spilling soup.

Nearly throwing the tray down on the side table, she shot towards Syaoran, picking up his hand with both of hers. She didn't realize how much she was looming over him, looking at his face as if hypnotized.

_Sakura._

No sound came from his lips, but it was easy to read the word he was forming. _Sakura_. Over and over again.

She quivered like a leaf, not sure whether to jump and squeal, or to fall down and cry.

His eyes were still gazing at nothing, but his eyelids fluttered every few seconds, until they finally fell shut. He took a deep breath, making Sakura hold hers.

_Hurts_.

She froze. Hurts? It hurts? What hurts?

She looked down at her hands clasping his, but that couldn't be it. She was holding him ever so gently, and his fingers seemed to curl in her grip, trying to hold her.

A soft whimper spilled from Syaoran's lips, and he silently repeated the last word, before mouthing her name again.

"Syaoran? What's wrong? What is hurting? I'm here!" She squeezed his hand softly. "Did someone hurt you? Did Kurogane and Fai hurt you? They're only trying to help!"

_Sakura._

"I'm here, Syaoran. Don't worry, I'm here." She hiccupped, suddenly realizing how wet her face already was from tears. "I won't leave you. I'm here."

_Sakura._

She sniffled, sitting down on the chair while Syaoran fell into a peaceful sleep.

He hadn't even eaten, or taken his sleeping meds.


	9. Chapter 9

Fai froze as his hand was grabbed. Fingers dug into his palm weakly, trembling.

"Syaoran?" He tried carefully.

The boy did not make a sound, and his eyes had closed the moment he moved. Although his grip was weak, it was clear he was keeping Fai from peeling off the gauze on his chest. Heavy shudders ran through the boy's body, and when Fai carefully folded the boy's fingers away he softly whimpered.

Fai frowned as the boy cowered from him. He hadn't done anything yet.

He sighed and sat down, keeping his hands away from the bed. He knew Syaoran hadn't taken his sleeping meds last night. Sakura told them he had fallen asleep before she had the chance to feed him. No wonder he was awake already.

Well, as awake as you could call this.

"Please calm down Syaoran. I'm not trying to hurt you." He spoke softly, gently. Syaoran's face scrunched up. "I'm trying to help. We'll get you patched up, you're safe here."

Even though the boy did not react to his talking, he did calm down after a little while. Fai just kept talking in his most soothing tone, hoping he'd get used to his voice again and wouldn't be scared anymore.

It really hurt, seeing Syaoran this scared of him.

It took a few minutes, but Syaoran relaxed back on his bed and his eyes slowly opened again. Empty. Unfocused.

Emotionless.

Almost like his clone.

Fai snarled unconsciously. The clone.

Syaoran shuddered once more, but no longer reacted when Fai started cleaning him up.

...

_Don't hurt me please._

Stop it. Stop. It hurts.

A dark voice whispered to him, and he was afraid. Afraid of what was about to happen. Afraid of being hurt once again.

His arm and legs already broken. One hand remaining.

He couldn't find the strength to lift it. He should really do it. If he didn't do it by hand, they would do it like _that_ again.

_Please don't hurt me._

The soft voice was too high. It wasn't as deep as normal.

_Who?_

It's painful. But not that much. Not worse. It hurts, like always.

_Aren't you going to hurt me?_

...

Kurogane watched the mage talking gently to Syaoran. It seemed like the man was really upset with the boy being scared of him, as he never went out to clean up that sheet immediately, but always remained to watch or talk.

The boy was calm.

He'd seen the kid shudder occasionally, but he remained relatively tranquil under the sound of Fai's voice.

He wondered if the kid would be waking up any time soon. He was sick of those eyes. So empty, they still held an accusation.

_You weren't there when I needed you. You left me._

Of course they didn't have much choice. He ran off himself to follow a feather, and with Fai dawdling in his willfulness they hadn't been able to get back to him. They had been strolling through the city, waiting for Syaoran to find them again, until after hours and hours Fai had suddenly frozen.

Kurgane had felt what happened. The kid was gone.

They found the alleyway in which the kid had been ambushed, but no traces of where and how he was kidnapped. All they knew is he wasn't in that dimension anymore.

Sakura was shocked, but reacted a bit too cold. Fai was a little upset, but masked it with his sulking. Kurogane had not known what to think.

Until they found him of course. That's when they all changed course 180 degrees.

So it wasn't really their fault. They had been there to help him when they knew he was in need.

_I needed you before. It wouldn't have happened if you were there before._

No need to imagine things. The kid was asleep, and even if he wasn't he wouldn't blame them so openly.

There was nothing to blame. They were there.

But as broken as he was, there was no way the kid would still be the same person when he woke up.

_You left me_.

Huffing, Kurogane turned around. He would go and cool off a little by practicing with his sword.

No need to imagine things. Damned empty eyes.

...

Sakura froze in the doorway when she saw Fai leaned over Syaoran's bed.

_What was he doing?_

She coughed discreetly, letting him know she was there. He did not jump away guiltily, but merely stood up straight and sent her a smile.

She relaxed. So he wasn't doing anything bad.

_Wait, she shouldn't be thinking that of Fai!_

"How is he doing?" She asked, putting up her best smile.

She noticed Fai frowning shortly, as if he noticed he smile wasn't as sincere as she tried to make it look, but he quickly returned the lazy grin to his face.

"He seems alright. He alternates between staring like he's done all this time and closing his eyes. I wonder what it means."

"Could he be sleeping?"

"Must be short naps, if that's the case." Fai took the tray from her hands, putting it down on the side table for her. "He must be hungry. He's done the whole mouth opening and swallowing motion a couple of times in the past hour, but only when his eyes are open."

"I'll make sure that he eats," she sat down and stared up at Fai intensely, willing him to leave her alone with Syaoran.

She was the one who made Syaoran feel comfortable. Fai was the one who made Syaoran feel scared. This was _her_ moment with Syaoran, and she needed him to be relaxed. She needed him to trust them again.

Fai smiled again, looking the slightest bit uncomfortable.

"I guess I'll leave you to it then."


	10. Chapter 10

Why didn't Sakura trust him?

Syaoran had seemed to calm down under his voice today. Maybe that was just the boy being distant and _gone_ like he'd been all the time, but there was no denying he was getting closer and closer to waking up. Syaoran had been moving, even as Fai had talked. He hadn't looked as scared as he used to.

Just very confused.

Yes, that's what it was. The boy was confused.

But Sakura didn't trust him anymore. Why? He hadn't hurt Syaoran.

_But it was him who caused that panic attack._

He had been caring for the boy all this time, shoving aside his anger and bitterness, even reverting to his usual carefree demeanor just to strengthen their group. Trying to pull Syaoran back.

He'd made sure the boy wouldn't be humiliated even more, by making it his own task to clean him up. Not letting Sakura in while he did so.

Maybe that's why she didn't trust him? After all, she had no idea what exactly he was doing, apart from changing the boy.

Fai turned on his stomach, folding his arms over his head.

...

When Kurogane woke up, he knew Fai was already in with the kid. He'd been there almost the entire night.

He peeked inside the room, only to see the mage resting on the chair beside the bed with his head on the sheets, and the kid fast asleep. They looked rather peaceful, if you didn't know the background story.

Would the kid learn to accept Fai's presence again? Kurogane wasn't in the room that much, but he was quite sure the boy would be scared to death if he started talking or touching him. He had that effect on people.

Especially people who were already scared.

That's why he didn't try. He only went in if his help was needed.

That one time he tried to make the boy drink proved it. Although the boy had still been too far gone to react to Kurogane himself, he had refused his touch vehemently.

Right now, Kurogane would likely invoke a panic attack. He was sure of it.

The vampire seemed to have his mind set on having the kid accept him though. The mage couldn't stand the scared movements, the refusal, the empty eyes.

Normally he'd have called the mage weak. But he wasn't too sure now. Something from his past was eating him.

_Was he blaming himself?_

It was stupid. It wasn't Fai's fault. Well, maybe a little, because it was his bitterness which allowed for Syaoran to be kidnapped in the first place.

No.

It wasn't _their _fault, damnit!

...

Who was it, next to him? It was so warm, yet so cold.

All he could hear was another breath, next to his own.

Was he about to get hurt? Was it nearly time? Should he prepare to move? Should he try to relax, so it would hurt less? _Don't hurt me!_

But relaxing was so hard! When he knew which pain was to come, all his muscles would tighten up.

All he could do was _scream_. Cry and scream and beg and tense up.

_Strange, but it wasn't as hard to relax as normal_.

It hurt just a little now.

...

Sakura frowned, seeing Fai sleeping next to Syaoran.

Not only did he not do his usual job in time, as proven by the lack of a package next to the bed, he was also scaring Syaoran. Why would he do that to the scared boy? Wasn't it bad enough already?

She briskly paced forward, only slightly hobbling due to her pace but keeping the tray up without spilling the porridge.

"Fai."

The mage shot upright as if burned, his eye flashing gold for a fraction of a second as he looked up at her.

"Are you alright?" She asked him, a broad smile on her face.

Fai cringed, but put up his own grin. "Yes, thank you Sakura! I couldn't sleep last night, and somehow I seem to have fallen asleep here." Looking at the tray in her hand he added, "would you like to feed him first, so the food doesn't grow cold?"

"That would be splendid, yes."

"I'll return in half an hour then." He stood, giving her another smile before smoothly drifting out.

For some reason Syaoran's face was completely calm. Almost content.

He shivered as Fai left, almost like he was cold.

"Let's get you to eat something, shall we?" She cooed, sitting down next to him. "Fai will clean you up in a bit, but you don't need to worry. I'll come back straight after he's done. I won't leave you alone, right Syaoran?"

His hand shifted towards her. She picked his hand up, smiling at him brightly. After a minute or so, she put his hand on her knee like before, and offered him the first spoon.

He ate as mechanically as every time. But his eyes did not open the entire day.


	11. Chapter 11

"Wake up."

...

Fai was out of his bed and through the door within the same second he heard the screaming. The ninja was right behind him as he stormed through the door – the only reason the other was slower being he didn't have the speed Fai had as a vampire.

Both of them froze for a moment, not having expected _two_ people in the room, least of all the one bent over the struggling form of their broken Syaoran.

The clone ignored them completely, pressing Syaoran down on the bed with one hand while the other was reaching between the boy's legs, disappearing in the make-shift diaper. Syaoran was struggling against his clone in fear, eyes wide and focused as he tried to get away, screaming and pleading.

Fai snarled, claws elongating at the same time he shot forward. Somehow the clone managed to block his first swipe, although Fai had no idea how.

Emotionless mismatched brown and blue looked up at him, hands retreating from Syaoran's crotch and grabbing the sword leant to the side of the bed.

Fai didn't know why he waited so long. He didn't know why he hesitated.

The moment he lashed out again, the clone had already slipped away.

Fai squeaked undignified as his momentum carried him to slash the shoulder of the crying boy on the bed.

...

Kurogane easily flipped himself through the window as the clone retreated. He didn't know why they both had hesitated, but he wouldn't make the mistake again.

He was better than letting his attachment to the kid who was once his student weaken his strength as a warrior.

Making a smooth landing two stories down on the street, he shot after the clone.

It felt like only ten steps maybe, but they were three streets away and into a stinking alleyway when the clone stopped and turned around. Raising his sword, cold eyes regarded him blankly.

"He's mine."

A shudder ran down Kurogane's spine. "_You_ did that to him?"

The clone remained silent, eyes as emotionless as Syaoran's, with the only difference these were brown and blue, and alert.

"Was it you?" Kurogane insisted, growling.

"Tsubasa is mine."

Kurogane was confused long enough by the nonsensical response for the clone to shoot forward, Hien raised to strike. Kurogane easily deflected the blow, swirling around to snap his sword at the kid's heels.

With a supple movement the clone had jumped away from the blade, settling on a bin before casting a glance back.

"Repair him. I'll take him back."

...

Fai was breathing hard, cradling his hand with still extended claws to his chest as he stared at the crying boy intensely.

"What happened?" Sakura screeched, stumbling forward as fast as her handicapped leg could take her.

"Please don't," Syaoran wailed before Fai even got the chance to answer. Long streaks of bleeding red decorated Syaoran's naked shoulder, but he was busier trying to drag himself away from Fai than minding his wounds.

Sakura stopped at the edge of his bed, hesitating for a moment before she stretched her arms out to the scared boy, not touching him just yet as he would likely just cower away further.

"The clone was here," Fai suddenly stated, effectively making Sakura's mind jump away from trying to comfort Syaoran.

She quickly snapped back, cooing to the crying mess and offering her hands. Two large scared eyes focused on her hands, and he stopped pulling away, trembling violently.

"S-Sakura..."

"Don't be scared, you're safe now," she nudged herself a little closer, "I'm here now. Don't be scared Syaoran."

His eyes widened when she said his name, and his eyes shot up to her face. The pure terror lurking deep inside those browns chilled Sakura to the bone.

"S-Syao... ran." He repeated hoarsely.

"Yes. Don't be afraid. It's me, Sakura."

His body relaxed, a few inches short of letting him tumble from the bed on the other side. His good hand shot out, fingers curling around Sakura's.

"Sakura," he wailed, before collapsing.

...

His hand was clinging onto another hand.

Another hand! No no, he should get away now.

But the hand was so small. So sweet. So caring.

It was Sakura.

It was Sakura! Was she caught? Was he safe? Sakura...

But no, it was the clone. He'd seen the clone. The clone was on _that_ side. The clone had been using Fai against him!

On _that_ side. This hand was on _that_ side.

But it was Sakura.

"Don't be scared, Syaoran."

But who would call him Syaoran...?


	12. Chapter 12

Syaoran was asleep, restlessly writhing under his sheets. Sakura held his hand firmly, whispering sweet nothings to him.

Fai noticed he was trembling when he lightly swiped the antiseptic over Syaoran's shoulder. The clone hadn't even really hurt Syaoran. It had been Fai who slashed the boy open.

With his claws, these monstrous things. He cleanly cut through the skin of the one he was trying to care for, the one whose trust he hoped to regain.

Syaoran twitched away from the sting, and Sakura gave him a quick warning glance.

What had he done to make even Sakura distrust him?

Wounding an already wounded boy perhaps. Making the boy panic, making the boy fear him, _hurting _him. But none of it was intentional!

What kind of monster must he be?

Misfortune.

Fai froze up completely. _No._

"I'll leave him to you now," his laugh had never sounded this strained. _So_ painful, Sakura looked up in surprise, maybe even concern.

But Syaoran's body twisted at his voice. Fear. Monster.

Fai fled from the room.

...

Kurogane stood up straight, lowering his sword where he just slashed a heavy metal trashcan cleanly in two pieces. _What the hell was the mage doing, running like that?_

He cursed out loud, sheathing his sword and jogging after the vampire. The very fast, clearly panicked vampire.

Did something happen? Well, apart from the clone showing up and molesting Syaoran like he was just a toy laying around to be played with. The clone couldn't have returned, Kurogane had been right outside the building the entire time. The emotionless kid couldn't have sneaked in.

So what was the vampire running for?

Luckily he didn't run far. Kurogane caught up with him just three blocks away from their apartment building, standing dangerously close to the edge of the road with swishing magnetic trains.

"Oi, mage!"

Fai whipped around, eyes wide and haunted.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why aren't you in with the kid?"

"Because I hurt him."

Kurogane scoffed. "Are you an idiot?"

"I hurt him, and he fears me," the mage spat, looking decidedly like a child with a temper tantrum to Kurogane.

The ninja briskly marched over, clenching his fist around the mage's twiggy arm and pulled him away from the road. Fai struggled half-heartedly – half-heartedly, because Kurogane was perfectly aware of the fact the other could easily escape him now and he didn't.

"He fears you?" Kurogane smirked darkly. "You think he does? So what did I see yesterday? Would you sleep soundly at the presence of a man you fear?"

"He didn't," Fai denied.

"I saw it, didn't I?" He shook the mage roughly. "I saw it. And I saw you hurt him just now. But he wasn't afraid of you. He was afraid of his clone. He was afraid of that bastard who did this to him."

"You didn't see him look at me in fear!"

"Fear of you? Or fear of the clone?"

"You know nothing!" With a smooth twist Fai was free from his grip and three paces back. "You talk, but you do nothing. Have you tried coming close to him? All you do is watch from a distance and tell us what to do!" Fai shivered violently.

Kurogane snarled, "what use is it? He's gotten abused by men, how do you think he'll react to me? A large, threatening man, who's only held him down when he struggled up until now? _I_ am not going to approach him while he's still healing, you moron!"

Fai's eye widened, a short flash of golden madness before his body sagged.

"You're afraid too."

Kurogane hissed and turned away. "Never."

...

Sakura hesitated, then picked up the gauze Fai left on the side table.

Why did he suddenly run? Was he feeling guilty over hurting Syaoran like that?

_Well, he should!_ What was he thinking to slash open Syaoran? His claws, sharp as knives, and attacking Syaoran with it? Why? _The idiot!_

She smoothed the gauze over the wounds, murmuring softly while she bandaged the writhing boy up.

"Don't worry, I won't let him hurt you again. I'll make sure I'll stay around, I won't leave you alone. Please calm down Syaoran, I'm here."

Why'd he slash Syaoran in the first place?

Well... He _did_ mention the clone having been there. It made her wonder slightly if Syaoran's current fear was perhaps more the clone's fault than Fai's. But he hadn't been afraid of the clone before, right? Or was it that he was just scared of anyone in this state?

But her Syaoran, this clone, used a sword. One blade. No way to cut four perfectly diagonal slices in the boy's pale arm. Fai on the other hand had his claws extended with blood on the sharp tips when she entered.

Syaoran twisted away from her as she tried to tie the bandage closed.

"Don't be afraid, Syaoran. It's just me, Sakura. Fai isn't here."

Maybe she should have told him his clone wasn't here instead?

His eyes slid open, scared brown focusing on her face.

"Don't worry, it's just me." She smiled at him gently.

His eyes grew wide in fear, and he jerked back. "N-no! Please!"

Immediately she released his arm, holding her hands up to show she meant no harm. She smiled again. "It's me, Sakura. Don't be afraid Syaoran."

He calmed, regarding her wide-eyed. Even though his eyes had originally focused, he seemed to have trouble keeping it that way. His eyes grew hazy, eyelids drooping.

She sighed softly as he dropped back on the bed, sleeping restlessly.


	13. Chapter 13

The look on Sakura's face was something between surprise and disapproval. He gave a quivering attempt for one of his grins, but realized quite soon he wasn't about to succeed.

Another sense of guilt had driven him back to this room. A sense of duty. Even though he didn't owe anything to this boy, he couldn't leave him laying around in his own dirt, no matter how troubled he was feeling.

"Sorry for leaving just now," she said, with a failed attempt to make it sound brightly, "I was just... well... Sorry for leaving so suddenly. I still need to clean him up."

"Is that really necessary?" Sakura didn't look like she was even trying to hide her disapproval now.

"We can't leave him like this," Fai managed out an awkward chuckle, "he's going to get infections, rash, and it's going to smell like hell. We can't do that to him."

"No. You're right."

Fai fidgeted. "Would you...? Well, you know..."

"I'm staying."

He stared at her in shock. "Staying? B-but Sakura, he's going to be... I mean, you can't! Isn't it bad enough _I _have to see that?"

"He's been sleeping restlessly, and he keeps waking up every ten minutes for a minute or so, completely disorientated and ready to panic. I'm not going to leave him alone with you."

He flinched at the harsh words, looking at her stern face and Syaoran's uncomfortable form next. "Don't do this to him. Don't make it that he has to get to come to terms with the knowledge of you having seen him at his lowest."

"You're not going to be alone with him," she almost glared by now.

"O-okay," he yielded, "but please look the other way."

"I will sit by his side and face him, my back to you," she conceded.

Sakura stood up to sit by Syaoran's side on the bed, doing just as she said. Fai fidgeted for a moment longer before pulling back the blankets, uncovering the thin near-naked body of the restlessly sleeping boy. He released the knot on the makeshift diaper, checking one last time if Sakura really wasn't looking before folding it open. Bending over Syaoran's hips, he used one arm to lift his legs by his knees, the other to reach over and pull the dirty sheet away. Keeping Syaoran's hips lifted, he quickly started to clean the boy, freezing as legs suddenly started to struggle.

"N-no," the boy's cry was as weak as his struggle, but it was enough to paralyze Fai completely. "S-Sakura. No, Sakura, d-don't!"

"It's alright," she started hushing, bending over to cradle his head in her arms, pressing his face to her chest, "we're not hurting you. You're safe. We're just cleaning you."

"Don't look," he whimpered.

Fai closed his eyes, although he knew Syaoran was talking about Sakura. He probably didn't even realize Fai was there in his confused state.

"I'm not looking," Sakura tried to reassure him, "I can't see a thing. Please calm down, Syaoran."

Syaoran whined wordlessly for a moment, still weakly trying to escape both Fai's grip and Sakura's grip, before repeating his plea to Sakura.

Sakura leant back, "Syaoran, look. I'm closing my eyes. I can't see anything."

Still frozen, Fai awaited Syaoran's reaction, but it didn't seem like the boy had even noticed her gesture.

"I'll put my arm over my eyes. See?" Sakura kept one had securely wrapped around Syaoran's neck, the other coming up to cover her eyes. "See Syaoran? Nothing to be afraid off. I can't see."

"S-Sakura," he whimpered one last time.

Fai clenched his teeth, but suddenly Syaoran's body went slack. He hesitated a moment, but when there were no more sounds from the boy but uneven breathing, he quickly resumed his task. Smearing a thick layer of cream on the boy's ass in his hurry, he pulled a new diaper underneath his hips and lay him down. As he stood and closed the thing, he noticed Syaoran had in fact fallen asleep again.

...

It was strange, but it didn't hurt quite as much anymore. But the horror he felt now was like pins and needles of ice rushing through his veins, freezing all his thoughts and feelings only to leave the pain of panic.

Touching.

_Feeling_.

He hated it. It was going to hurt soon.

_He was going to cry soon._

But Sakura was here. Sakura was looking at him. _Sakura_ couldn't see him like this!

Not while he was being hurt, while he was being taken like the lowest of creatures. Not _now._

Big greens were removed from his sight. But she was still there! She was going to hear him cry, hear him suffer. Hear him at his worst. And she would open her eyes and _see_ him like this and she hated him already for sure. Hated him for being dirty, hated him for not saving her. Hated him.

_Sakura!_

Her face disappeared.

What was it he was thinking about again?

Ah yes, it was going to hurt. He was being touched.

As usual.

...

He didn't feel quite ready to go back in yet. He failed to capture the clone, failed to even hurt the heartless boy. He had failed the kid like that.

That, and Fai's accusation weighed heavy on his shoulders.

Yes, it was an accusation. Kurogane didn't feel _fear._ He wasn't afraid of anything. What was the mage blabbering about, saying he was afraid?

Although he might have mistaken Kurogane's slight feeling of unease. Unease, that's all. Nothing more, nothing worse. He was uneasy about the kid. He knew the kid would jerk away from him as soon as his large callused hands came to rest on skin. Of course he would, after what had been done to him.

And he didn't like that thought one bit, just like the mage. Therefore he was uneasy, a bit uncomfortable. And worried too. Worried about the kid.

But the thought of him being afraid was preposterous.

...

Sakura was very confused. Even though Fai had still had his hands all over Syaoran's lower body, he had just fallen asleep like that once she had proven she really wasn't looking. Wasn't he scared of being touched like that? He gave the impression he thought it worse she was watching than someone with his groping hands all over his naked privates. Or whatever it was Fai was doing down there.

Fai had left as soon as he finished his job, leaving her once again alone with the restless sleeper. Syaoran hadn't woken up since.

She was debating whether she could leave him to make him some soup or porridge. She didn't fear Fai would come in to do something to him – she didn't think _that_ badly of Fai – but if Syaoran woke up he might panic at being alone.

Well, he panicked at not being alone either. It had taken her some time to convince him it was her every single time he woke up until now, and after that he immediately fell asleep again.

She jumped as Fai cleared his throat in the doorway. She whipped around, looking at him with wide shocked eyes.

"I... I made him some soup," Fai muttered. He quickly strode over and placed the tray on the side table. "Please try to make him eat today."

"Y-yes," she answered, still feeling surprised.

Fai was gone as fast as he appeared, leaving her alone with her shock. Fai did seem to care, now that she thought of it. Was it that he didn't want to lose Syaoran for his own selfish needs?

No, that was ridiculous. He may want revenge on the boy, but he had no reason to keep Syaoran alive and abuse him. There was no way the man was _that_ bad.

So was he doing this for her?

But he _did_ practically beg her to look away when he cleaned Syaoran, for _Syaoran's_ sake.

Confused, she picked up the bowl.

Syaoran was asleep though. How was she going to feed him?


	14. Chapter 14

Fai found her sleeping next to Syaoran, sitting on the chair and resting her head on the bed beside him. His arm had curled over her shoulders, perhaps pulling her closer subconsciously.

Maybe he should wait a little with cleaning Syaoran up.

Should he wake her? She slept so peacefully.

Should he wait? No, he couldn't stand her looking at him like that again. But she would do so anyway, he doubted she'd leave him alone with Syaoran anymore at all.

Not after that stunt he pulled, slashing Syaoran's shoulder like that.

Should he leave...?

He glanced over Syaoran's face in worry. The boy's face seemed relaxed, but twisted in fear every few moments. He was having nightmares.

Of course he was.

When he stepped closer, he noticed something. The soup he had made yesterday afternoon was standing on the side table, uneaten. The spoon was in the bowl, suggesting Sakura had tried to give it to Syaoran.

Or did something else of course. But he doubted she would keep food from Syaoran just because she didn't trust Fai. She wouldn't hurt the boy for something like that, he was sure.

But that _did_ mean Syaoran didn't eat at all yesterday.

...

He had no idea why he was doing it – or _what_ he was doing, for that matter – but he was.

He growled at the pan full of slowly burning porridge as if intimidating it would be of any help. Mokona was peering over his shoulder tentatively.

"Are you going to offer some help, or are you going to keep staring at it like it will run?" he snapped at the critter.

"Kuro-rin should turn down the heat," Mokona offered.

"I knew that," he scoffed, nearly breaking off the knob as he violently turned it down.

This whole feeling was off. He was standing in a kitchen, making some bloody porridge for the kid like he was the mage or the princess. This was just _so_ wrong.

Still, it had a surprisingly calming effect. He had never thought cooking would do such a thing. It was almost like sword practice had been when he had just started as a rookie, redirecting his mind to matters at hand instead of his worries and thoughts. A small moment not bothered by dark thoughts. All of his attention drained to something simple. Simple and failing, that is.

He cursed, pulling the pan off the heat when the milk started boiling over. He gave fire a dark glare, only realizing now he must have turned the knob the wrong way.

"You could have said something," he roughly blamed Mokona. He hadn't expected the giggle in return, and couldn't find the will to snap at the poor thing. It was the first laugh he'd hear of it in weeks.

Mokona was worried too.

He just decided he should help out a little with the kid as well. Sakura was sleeping by his side, Fai was troubled enough as he was, and Mokona couldn't really do anything at this point. The kid hadn't eaten yesterday, so making him food seemed the most logical choice.

He cursed again, scraping the dark brown lining from the bottom of the pan.

...

Sakura woke up with a start. As Syaoran's hand slipped from her shoulders, she realized she must have fallen asleep next to him the day before.

She looked around, but could not pinpoint the reason she woke up. She did notice the steam emitting from the bowl on the side table though. Hadn't that soup grown stone cold many hours ago?

Peering in, she found it was not the soup she had been trying to feed Syaoran yesterday, failing at it miserably as the boy was sound asleep and remained that way. Instead the bowl contained a thick rich rice porridge, dotted with flecks of brown. A slightly burnt scent emitted from it.

She frowned. How did it get here? And who made it? Fai didn't burn his food.

Mokona? _Kurogane_?

She giggled at the thought of either of them cooking. She picked up the bowl, and cautiously tasted it. The burnt taste was minimal.

"Syaoran, I have food for you again," she muttered happily, turning to the sleeping boy. Although she wasn't quite sure who made it, they certainly put in effort and it deserved to be eaten by Syaoran.

To her surprise Syaoran stirred at her voice. He was sure to be starved, and he had slept so much he had to wake up some time soon.

Bleary brown eyes fluttered open, staring at the ceiling in silent wonder.

She smiled. She wasn't going to give him any time to think about panicking this time. She quickly scooped up a spoon of porridge and pressed it against his lips. Automatically his mouth opened, lips closing around the spoon to take the bite.

He blinked in confusion, swallowing with difficulty.

Not sure what his reaction would be at her voice right now, she decided to ladle as much into his mouth as possible before he would be aware – or unaware – enough to offer a reaction other than what she had taught him over the past week.

He took another offered bite, but as she retracted the spoon his eyes followed. He blinked owlishly at her.

The next spoon went in smoothly as well, but as he struggled to swallow he shifted back on the bed. He shook his head softy, confused.

He didn't open his mouth for the next bite.

"Come on Syaoran, you need to eat," she whispered in her brightest voice, prodding with the spoon at his lips.

"Sakura," he tried hoarsely, but was interrupted by the porridge being shoved into his mouth unceremoniously. He managed to swallow faster this time, and spoke before she readied another spoon. "Sakura, what's happening?"

She gave him a surprised look. He sounded so... _normal_.

"W-what's happening? I'm... I'm feeding you, obviously."

"Why?"

"Because you need to eat." She shoved in another spoon, and he sputtered before swallowing.

"But why are you..." He stopped halfway, a look of horror crossing his face. "Why are my arm and legs...?"

"Don't worry," she shook his head, "not now. Eat now."

"But Sakura!" Again a spoon in his mouth, but now he was starting to look annoyed. _Only a few more bites to go_.

"What's happening?!"

"I'll tell you after you finish the porridge." _She only had a few more seconds._

He tried to turn away from the spoon, but as she touched his lips with it his body reacted reflexively, eating what she gave him.

_Three._

"What happened to my limbs?!" Porridge shoved in.

_Two._

"Why...?"

_One._

She managed to get in one more spoon, leaving just a tiny bit in the bowl.

_Zero._

His eyes grew wide, panic shooting into his expression like a cover being thrown over his head. He pulled away abruptly, and Sakura practically threw the bowl on the side table to grab him in time to prevent him from falling off the bed.

He thrashed violently. "No! No, don't hurt me! Please, please don't. Please not again. Tsubasa! It's Tsubasa! Please!" He wailed loudly, his thrashing arm smacking Sakura in the head and making her topple backwards.

He screamed when he fell off the bed, his pleas for mercy continuing the second after.

Kurogane burst into the room, cleaning sponge dropping behind him like he had forgotten to drop it earlier on his way here.

She felt dizzy. She must have hit her head.

Sakura didn't even notice the abrupt end of the pleading and crying, darkness overtaking her just before that.


	15. Chapter 15

_How could he just forget that?_

How is it possible? He forgot... He...

It hurts. Or it hurted. Hurted? Hurt. It hurt. Hurting?

But it isn't hurting right now. Still, how could he forget?

He thought he saw Sakura. They spelled him, they made him see Sakura! He hit her! Serves them right, tricking him like that! Hurting him like that!

_Oh God he hit Sakura!_

...

Fai was trembling, feeling overly nervous for something he would've done without thinking before. Syaoran was tensing and relaxing, and Fai held the boy's head in his lap securely. Keeping him there so he would be able to pin him down and comfort him the moment he woke up again.

Well, _try_ to comfort him at least. It was Kurogane's idea.

Kurogane was looking surprisingly gentle, holding a cool washcloth against the bump on Sakura's head while he softly tapped her cheeks, trying to wake her up.  
It didn't surprise him Kurogane had preferred to take care of the princess and chucked the boy on him – after sending him back to oblivion with a well-aimed knock of his hand. It couldn't surprise him after the unintentional confession of the ninja. The confession he was still denying vehemently.

Kurogane was scared. Scared of what Syaoran would do when he touched him.

But so was Fai! And here he was, forced to keep Syaoran calm until the princess was back with them. How was he going to keep the kid calm? All he could do was pin him down if he woke up.

He felt the thin body shudder, and relax. Relaxing a little deeper this time, as if the previous times meant he had still been tense. Looking down at the kid's now serene face, he suddenly noticed he had been trailing his fingers through chestnut hair. He felt compelled to laugh at himself, not even aware of his own hands comforting the boy as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Maybe he should stop worrying so much. But no, Sakura still didn't trust him, and even if he himself wasn't as bad as he thought, Syaoran was still scared of him.

A soft moan resounded from the floor, and Fai tensed.

"W-what..?" Sakura sat up slowly, aided by Kurogane.

Fai knew he had it coming now. He had Syaoran's head in his lap. There was no way she was going to let that slide.

"The kid hit you in the head when he panicked," Kurogane said somewhat gruffly, "I made the mage keep him down for now, so make sure you can see straight first."

She blinked slowly before tensing, "Syaoran? Is he alright?"

"He's sleeping," Fai answered softly.

She looked at him with wide eyes, and he was not sure whether he should be reading jealousy, worry, fear or anything else in those. Large green eyes, staring at him without seeming to know what emotion to express themselves.

"Can I...?" She trailed off, taking the washcloth over from Kurogane. "Fai, can I sit there?"

"Sure."

He gently lifted the messily hazel haired head on his lap, slipping away from underneath and keeping it lifted so Sakura could take that place. He felt like he was getting away from this rather well. She hadn't said anything, she hadn't given him a look like that... Maybe she was still too shocked by the collision with Syaoran's arm?

As soon as Sakura was settled and the boy's head rested in her lap, Fai stepped away. Syaoran's face turned, his nose burying in her belly. For a small moment Fai was afraid of Syaoran touching her indecently, but the boy's arm lifted slightly for fingers to curl in the hem of the skirt next to his head.

He looked afraid and peaceful at the same time.

...

The princess was definitely forcing herself. The way she stumbled when he helped her up, the way her hand trembled against the washcloth she was pressing against the bump on her head, the way her eyes were wide in confusion.

He doubted the kid had ever hit her before.

The mage was even paler than usual, and he noticed the blonde was trembling. The mage was probably scared of Syaoran's reaction. The slight relief washing over his face as he switched places with the princess proved that point. His white pallor didn't return to its normal, slightly more pink hue though.

He mentally hit himself on the head when he realized why. It was seven days ago they found the kid. This was day eight. This was day eight since the vampire fed.

He grunted, and glared at the mage. The blonde didn't seem to get why he was being glared at, a slight insecure expression on his face as he cocked his head questioningly.

"Can you handle the kid for now?" Kurogane asked Sakura.

"I... I think so."

"Call if you need help. I'll bring you something to eat yourself in a bit. Need to do something else first." He snatched the vampire's wrist, dragging him from the room to Fai's own. He flopped down on the bed and unsheathed Souhi.

The mage's eyes grew wide in surprise and understanding. The moment he cut his wrist the wide sapphire turned to gold instantly.

"If you don't feed yourself, you can't help the kid either."

"I see. Thank you, Kurogane."

Kurogane's eyes grew wide at the unexpected 'thank you'. The vampire kneeled in front of him and started licking and sucking at the wound hungrily.

What exactly was the mage thanking him for...?

...

Sakura murmured soothingly to Syaoran, but she wasn't sure what she was saying herself. She felt a little dizzy.

Syaoran had been so clear for a moment. Like he had completely forgotten what happened to him during that period he was gone. Completely back to his usual self. She couldn't help but wonder what it was that happened to him.

Did Fai and Kurogane know? Probably not, as Syaoran couldn't have possibly told them. All they knew was Syaoran's arm and legs were broken, a large wound was on his chest and he was psychologically shattered. But how? And why?

Of course she wondered before, but the way he had been today... It gave her the feeling the only way they would be able to ask him normally would be when he didn't actually remember himself. They could find and confront the person who did this. But Sakura had no idea who that was either.

She trailed her hands past the gauze on his chest. What kind of wound could you give someone like this anyway? Considering the rest of the skin was covered in nothing more than healing bruises, no cuts or holes or anything. Fai had kept it hidden underneath a gauze ever since the beginning.

"Syaoran," she muttered.

He nuzzled closer to her tummy, a soft whine escaping his throat.


	16. Chapter 16

He patted the sleeping girl's head softly. She must have been exhausted. Of course she must have been, getting a blow to her head like that and remaining by the boy's side the rest of the day.

Syaoran had only once shortly woken up since then, just blinking confused and allowing some food to be shoveled into his mouth. He didn't even panic, just falling asleep as sudden as he woke up. Sakura had to carefully take the last bite of porridge she had put into his mouth out again, afraid he would choke on it in his sleep as he didn't swallow.

When it had slowly gone dark, greenish blue sky colouring a bloody reddish brown outside the window, she had finally dozed off. She looked so tired, sitting on the bed hunched over Syaoran's head. Syaoran had been snoring ever so softly to Fai's surprise. He hadn't heard the boy snore before.

He had carefully lifted Syaoran's head, pulling the sleeping girl away from him. Picking Sakura up, he rested the boy's head back on the pillow. Syaoran had not awoken, and he had carried Sakura to her room to lay her in her bed.

She slept soundly. She didn't smile though. A sad look was on her face.

Fai turned around and dwelled back to Syaoran's room, to check if the boy was still alright with Sakura gone. The snoring had stopped, but the boy slept as before. Slightly troubled face, but otherwise calm.

It would seem everybody slept with troubled faces these days.

He rolled his eyes, realizing he just stated the obvious to himself. There was no reason for any of them to smile at the moment.

He slowly walked to his room, giving Kurogane lying on the couch a blank look. The man had his eyes closed, but he could hear by his breathing the man was not asleep. He still had a drained look on his face though.

He'd just lay down and make his own unhappy face, sleeping like it would make him feel rested.

...

He was breathing slowly, down on his back on the couch, but still he was feeling somewhat dizzy. Damn, the stupid vampire had drunk a lot. Of course he would, after starving himself for so long. He'd completely forgotten about it.

Why was it again? They found the kid the day after the last feeding, so Fai should have fed when... The day the kid first panicked, or the day after. Stupid, but not so strange they forgot.

Very stupid they kept forgetting though. Now he thought about it, the mage had grown paler and paler. He must have subconsciously written it off as worry about the kid.

Fai still hadn't looked completely well when he stopped drinking, but Kurogane was selfishly happy he stopped. He was taking too much.

He had stumbled to the bathroom, gulping down water first to replenish the moisture of his body. Looking up in the mirror, he had been shocked to see himself this pale.

He had been pretty useless all day, staying in and hanging on the couch. Fai had brought him tea all day, as if to apologize for drinking that much.

It wouldn't have been half as bad if the mage at least looked his healthy self again. But no, the blonde was still sickly pale, a dark circle under his eye.

Damn the vampire. They both needed their strength in case something happened. Like the day before, with the clone. Or who knows what could come after them in this demon-plagued world. And now Fai was still not at his best, and Kurogane was floored due to the blood loss.

He soundlessly muttered a curse.

...

Sakura hummed softly to herself, putting a bowl with steaming broth, a spoon and a glass of fresh water on a tray. With only the slightest limp due to her previously injured leg – she had trained very hard to hide her limp – she hobbled over to Syaoran's room.

She had slept well. Sort of well. She was grateful for Fai bringing her to bed, no matter how confused she was about his possible intentions at the moment. She started to feel more and more he couldn't mean any harm, and the first tendrils of guilt started touching her at the edges.

"Good morning Syaoran," she whispered – more to herself than the boy – as she pushed through the door. She froze in place, fingers turning white in her grip on the tray.

The sheets of the bed were crumpled on the floor. Syaoran's make-shift diaper was opened and had slipped halfway down the side of the bed, smearing thin brown over the sheets and the boy's skin. His hips were squirming and trembling, his whole body rigid and heavy shudders wrecking through him.

Bent over him was the clone, ignoring Sakura's presence completely. His fingers were curled around the wounded Syaoran's genitals, tugging it with less delicacy than the most grumpy farmer would have milking his cow. With his other he was gripping Syaoran's good wrist, forcing the boy's hand on his crotch. Syaoran's eyes were wide in terror, but he made no sound other than soft whimpers. In fact, his fingers were attempting to get the clone's pants open where his palm was pressed into the other's groin, but trembling too badly to get a grip.

Only when the loud crash of the tray hitting the floor resounded and the sizzling pain of hot broth and cold water soaking her socks burned her skin, her brain reconnected to her body.

She screamed.


	17. Chapter 17

He didn't even stop to calm the screaming girl down, nor did he take the time to cover the silently whimpering boy up. He didn't even have some worry to spare for the ninja, or spoil a thought on hoping he'd not jump out of the window after them in his current state.

His mind was focused on the clone, who apparently ran at the sound of Sakura screaming. The kid had left his original behind dirty and exposed, fleeing out of the window just in time to allow Fai to _just_ see his fingers releasing the windowsill as he fell.

Fai shot out the window like a bullet. Locking the clone between himself and the building as he landed, he whipped around with a flashing gold eye and long sharp claws. He hissed.

The clone didn't offer him the satisfaction of showing fear or even worry – he showed no emotion at all, in fact. He merely summoned his sword in a flash of swirling runes, and threw Fai back with a blast of his own magic.

Fai twisted as he was sent flying, knowing exactly where he would collide with the wall of the next building without ever studying the size of the street. He caught himself on his feet on the wall, launching himself back towards the clone with a sharp snarl.

The clone had not foreseen his speed, and twisted out of his path just in time to avoid a collision. Fai felt his claws hook on the clone's clothes, but he had to focus on not smashing into the next wall first. Making a smooth landing, Fai turned to see the clone cocking his head – the closest thing he'd seen the boy to surprise since that seal had broken. His right sleeve was torn, a thin line of red trickling down to the clone's wrist.

Fai shot forward, ready to slash a deeper cut, but the clone lifted a hand and sent another spell towards the vampire, making the air thick and heavy between them. Fai felt the magic sparking at the tips of his hair, tiny bolts shooting into his bones from his teeth and claws. He wouldn't stop.

Although Fai was not stopped by the blow, he was slowed down enough for the clone to step back calmly, retreating into a tear between dimensions.

...

Kurogane shot after the vampire, who launched himself from the window as if about to sprout wings. He gripped the windowsill, ready to jump after them, when the sudden height made him dizzy.

He cursed and sagged before the window, panting harshly from running just a couple of steps. His entire body was pounding with the force of his heart trying to bring the needed oxygen to all his body parts, but the lack of blood leaving his entire body heavy and craving. It wasn't just tire, or muscle ache. It was the feeling of an absolute lack of energy and oxygen throughout his muscles, rendering him incapable of other movements than heaving in air to compensate.

It took a few seconds before he noticed the princess' raw screaming over the pounding of his heart. He slowly turned his head, knowing he should go and calm her down. But his limbs wouldn't cooperate, demanding oxygen first and movement later. Red eyes zeroed in on the hysteric princess.

With a bit of luck she'd faint in a minute. He actually needed to tend to the kid first. The boy was shaking so badly he could hear the bed creaking. His mouth was spread open as if he were screaming, but no sound came out. No sound hard enough to be audible over the princess, at least.

"Oi, princess!" He snapped.

The girl suddenly stopped screaming, but she didn't look at Kurogane. She trembled, staring with wide eyes at the exposed boy.

"Damnit," Kurogane forced himself to his feet, stumbling to the right before managing to stalk towards the princess – albeit a bit more weakly than usual. He caught her around the waist just in time as she was about to drop to her knees, preventing her from landing her full weight on the shards of the bowl and the glass scattered around her feet. He currently did not have the strength to completely lift her, so he settled for dragging her out of the room and depositing her on the couch – the closest thing from the kid's room.

Feeling slightly guilty at leaving her there he pulled his blanket up from where he's discarded it on the floor when she had first started screaming, arranging it over her shoulders.

"Calm down princess," he articulated carefully, "stay here while I clean the kid up. It's okay now, so calm down."

She nodded shakily, and Kurogane carefully rose to his feet again. He ignored the thick tears appearing on her eyelashes and shuffled his way back to the kid. His legs felt like they were imbedded in stone, his torso heavy enough to make him topple over by sheer weight.

That vampire sucked out his stamina in minutes as well as a week training with hardly any sleep would have.

The kid was still trembling, but his mouth had closed. Instead he was sobbing heavily, hand searching the side of his bed like he lost something, but otherwise frozen in place. He looked like a scared child knowing he was about to get a beating.

Kurogane had to pause on the side of the bed for a moment, but he forced himself to start moving again after a minute. Murmuring reassurances with a hoarse, inexperienced voice, he patted the kid's head.

The kid was a mess. The clone had opened the diaper, apparently wanting to get rid of it. It seemed like the disgustingly smelling inside of it hadn't bothered him at all though, and he had left it open in place. The kid had squirmed so hard the sheet had been wriggled aside, thick brown smeared all over his skin and onto the clean bed sheets. If that hadn't been disgusting and humiliating enough, the smelling clear liquid pooling in the hollow between his meager hips suggested strongly he had wet himself even after the clone had opened the diaper.

He sighed. This was going to be some cleaning job.

The kid's heavy shaking subsided a little with the ninja patting his head, and the sobs turned to sniffling hiccups and silent tears. He was surprised the boy actually had some positive reaction to him.

He picked up the diaper, using the clean outside to remove the pooling liquid from the kid's hips. Throwing the thing on the ground carelessly – they'd have to clean that too anyways, with the broth slowly running into every corner of the room – he slipped his arms underneath the boy. He sucked in a breath, steeling himself for having to carry the boy while he was feeling weak himself.

When he raised the kid, he softly cursed again. It felt like half of the weight were in the splints on his legs and arm. He cradled the naked brunette close to his chest, ignoring how this got his shirt very dirty.

As he turned to carry him to the bath he heard a blood-curdling scream from outside, so high and so agonized it sounded like it couldn't come from a human throat.

He didn't even need to think about it to know this meant the clone got away again.

...

Screaming, screaming, screaming.

He heard it, so he must be screaming. His mouth was open, so he must be screaming.

He should expect his throat to be hurting by now, but for some reason it didn't. So he just spread his jaw wide, and continued screaming, the high-pitched sound meaning he must be especially agonized this time.

The screaming stopped, so he shut his mouth obediently. No doubt the men had gotten tired from the sound. Heavy hot tears were on his face, and he bawled like a child. He was so scared, so dirty.

A comforting hand patted his head, large and callused and gentle. He cried harder, still scared, but maybe a little in relief too.

He was so very scared. He had been hurt again. He had been touched again. For some reason, it felt like it had been a while.

He whimpered and pressed closer to the comforting embrace, not caring it may be fake again.

...

Her head was spinning, and she didn't know what to do. She just really had no idea what to do. What to say, what to ask, what to express.

What had the clone been doing? What had _her_ Syaoran been doing, to the wounded crying boy? The horrified naked crying boy with feces smeared over his hips and bruises on his skin, limbs in bandages and that awful festering burn mark in the shape of a bat?

Why had his hand been on the crying boy's crotch, why had he been tugging like that? Why had the boy's hand been on _his_ crotch at the same time, struggling to get it open?

What was this disgusting thing she witnessed?

Who was it who made them do this?

The boy so scared, so hurt. The clone so void of emotion.

The mark in the shape of a bat.

She threw up between the couch and the coffee-table, shivering and crying.


	18. Chapter 18

**I will start this chapter with a little apology. I have no idea how many people are actively following this fic, but this is meant for those few. I've been amazingly busy the past month, and even though I had a whole ****_load_**** of pre-written chapters, I just ran out... So from now on my uploading might not be as regular as it used to be anymore. It bothers me, because I don't like it when authors take weeks to months to update their fics, and now I may start doing the same... I'll try my hardest to pick up writing again no matter how busy I am!**

* * *

Fai was breathing hard, his throat already hurting after just screaming once. Ragged breaths sounded hoarse and rasping to his own ears, and he didn't dare to move for a moment.

It was almost like vomiting. Another scream tore through his throat, and his own voice disgusted him. But he couldn't stop. He needed to do _something_ to get rid of this feeling.

His eyes focused on a couple of trash bins. One was sliced in two, as if someone attacked the defenseless thing with a sword. He screamed at it, a deep animalistic part of him hoping it would pick up its lid and start running.

His claws slid out without him even noticing. He only scratched the clone lightly. Of all the damage the clone had done to Syaoran, he could only return a small scratch.

Of all the damage he had done to them all, by doing such things to Syaoran and depositing the broken boy back in their presence. What he did to Sakura, to Kurogane, to Mokona. What this did to _him_.

Just a scratch.

He only noticed he was screaming again when a sharp shard of the metal bin scratched his cheek as it flew up. His eye widened, watching in surprise how the shards flew through the air with the force he had slashed the bin. Small smithereens.

He closed his eye as the shards dropped, protecting his sight from the results of his madness. He dropped his arms by his sides, breathing in deeply.

Shards clattered against his feet, slicing his pants and his skin. The warm feeling of blood on his ankles calmed his mind. And possibly the misdirected destruction too.

"F-Fai?"

He turned slowly, his eye sliding open and turning blue. Mokona was trembling, hiding behind the doorpost as it only just forced the heavy door open.

"Are you... alright?"

"I'm fine," he managed to twitch one corner of his mouth up in a weak persiflage of a smile, his claws retracting. His voice was painfully hoarse and barely audible, but Mokona heard him and gave him a worried frown.

"Fai... Are you _really_ alright?"

"As alright as it gets. Why did you come all the way done here?" He cocked his head so the falling smile would be less noticeable, the angle faking the impossible smile for him.

"Kurogane isn't looking too good. He's washing Syaoran in the bathtub, but he's looking very pale. And Sakura threw up."

"I see." Fai trudged over to the door, trying to set up his usual mask again. He'd get the clone next time. This was the time to clean up the mess.

He knew Mokona wasn't buying it. Just like Kurogane wouldn't. But all he could do was try.

...

Kurogane tried to put the kid down on the chair in the bathroom so he would be able to fill the bath. His muscles were trembling with the effort, screaming for oxygen.

The kid had his fingers curled into his shirt, and as soon as he attempted to put distance between them the boy stiffened. He managed to make the boy sit, but he wouldn't release his shirt.

"Damn it kid, I can't help you if you don't let go."

The kid whimpered, burying his face closer.

"I'm not your bloody bed."

No response but the trembling.

He sighed, curling his arm around the kid again to pick him up. His arm was screaming bloody murder at him for even thinking about lifting the kid again, but he didn't have much choice. Pulling the kid close he leant over the tub, turning on the water.

He stood, petting the boy's head cluelessly. What was he supposed to do? Why was the kid clinging to him in the first place?

He leaned the kid on the chair again, unbuttoning his shirt. It was dirty anyway. The kid merely whimpered again as he pulled the fabric closer, Kurogane not following this time.

He wanted to stand, but the boy was looking just too pathetic. His face was streaked with tears and he was looking absolutely terrified. Besides, when Kurogane tried to pull back his arm, the kid started to topple over.

He heaved a heavy sigh again, pulling the kid close and leaning back to check the water's temperature. He peered in, realizing he didn't need much water. In fact, how was he going to keep the kid's splinted legs and arm dry?

He frowned, rocking softly to soothe the kid subconsciously. The fingers curled and uncurled, finding their way to his skin and retreating from the warmth immediately. The kid kept repeating his movements, as if trying to find comfort with him but fearing it at the same time.

Well, why shouldn't he?

Kurogane rose, picking the kid up again. His arm trembled, still not recovered from the short run and carrying the kid. Seriously, how long was this weakness going to drag out? He brusquely lifted the chair and placed it flat on the tub, creating a sort of bridge. He leaned over the tub and positioned the kid's ankles over the back and the leg of the chair, slowly lowering the fragile body in the water.

Syaoran released his shirt, as if sensing it was necessary. Kurogane lifted the kid's arm, draping it over the side of the tub. He heaved another sigh. Time to start washing a place where the kid was sure to not like being touched.

...

Her hands were scrubbing with the rag, although she didn't remember getting it. It was nice and wet, perfect to clean the floor.

The floor was stinking.

Syaoran was probably stinking too. He was so dirty.

Ah, which one was she thinking about? The one who was physically dirty? Or the one who was mentally dirty?

Either way, she'd clean him. She'd clean them both. Like this floor. Sour smelling of someone's vomit. Just like the floor couldn't help it, so couldn't they. They didn't choose to be dirty. So she'd clean them.

But how?

The wet rag wouldn't clean an abused body, nor would it clean a corrupted heartless soul.

Her body shook with heavy sobs and she scrubbed harder.

The door creaked open, and her face snapped up. Large green eyes stared into one sapphire one.

Just one.

She was up and into his arms faster than her mind could follow. Warm arms enveloped her as she cried her heart out in his flimsy black shirt, fingers curling into the fabric and knuckles pressing against his muscles. Black fabric turned darker with tears.

How would she ever get them clean again?

...

This was the first time he felt such thin liquid on his skin. Was it blood?

No, even blood was thicker. Different. It smelled different. What was he lying in?

He blinked his eyes open, carefully surveying the liquid he was placed in.

Water?

With a bit of effort he lifted his head, freezing at the sight of short black hair. He whimpered.

"Just getting you clean kid, keep still."

_Kid? _When...? Why?

He shivered, closing his eyes. It was easier when he didn't see. What he didn't see wasn't there. There was nothing there. He was alone, in water, and nobody was touching him.

All alone.


	19. Chapter 19

He kept Sakura pressed close, his arms encircling her protectively. Inside he felt like crying himself. All this time she wouldn't trust him, and now he really failed them – now he lost the clone – _now _ she came to him and cried her heart out on his chest. Was she waiting for him to fail completely, before allowing him to try again? Did he have to go all the way down before being allowed to climb again?

Then climbing he would.

He quickly surveyed the room, seeing a wet spot between the couch and the coffee table and a dirty rag discarded where Sakura had just been on her knees. He could smell a nasty sour smell, indicating someone had thrown up.

Not someone. Sakura. He could smell it on her. She hadn't even bothered to clean herself properly, and had just gone to cleaning the floor.

She was completely out of it.

He patted her hair while she soaked his shirt in salty water, breathing sour air on him. So weak, so fragile. So shocked.

"Let's get you to bed," he muttered, lowering his arm to her behind to pick her up like one would a toddler. She clung to him just like one.

He made a little detour by the kitchen, extracting a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. Turning, he picked up Syaoran's sleeping med's from the counter and put them in his pocket, bringing the glass of water while carrying Sakura on one arm with ease.

She didn't resist at all as he set her down on her bed. He removed her jacket and her wet knee socks, gently easing her down. Her stare was almost blank, if not for the despair pooling deep down in her eyes. Her lip was trembling, but otherwise she had gone almost as still as Syaoran when he just got here.

Fai gently popped a pill in her mouth and put the glass of water on her lips. She drank obediently, new tears welling up in her eyes.

"Go to sleep Sakura," he gently petted her head, "don't worry. We'll talk tomorrow. I'll clean up the rest."

"But you can't clean him," she muttered, hiccupping, "you can't clean either of them like that. You'll need more than a wet rag."

He smiled sadly. "I know. But we'll find out what we need in the morning. Now sleep."

...

The kid had remained surprisingly still throughout the washing. He had woken, whimpered, and then fallen asleep again when Kurogane had told him to.

Kurogane had been very hesitant about cleaning the kid in his private parts. He knew he wouldn't like it. Not after the way he'd been abused. Not after the clone showing up to do just that to him again. But he was quite dirty, disgustingly so. It needed to be washed. And while he was here, he could wash the kid completely and wipe the sweat from his body.

He rested his head on the side of the tub, breathing deeply. It felt like his strength was slowly returning to him. Just a little more, and he could lift the kid from the deep tub and dry him off. Where would he take the kid then? The couch? Fai's room?

Yes, he could do it now.

He lifted his head and reached over the side of the tub. Carefully balancing the kid's meager body on his hands, he started lifting.

He was strong enough to do this much. Heck, on a normal day he could lift five times this weight at the same time! He smirked and rose to his feet. Which was his mistake.

He wasn't halfway standing up when he was attacked by a sudden bout of dizziness. He staggered, nearly hitting the kid against the wall before managing to overturn his weight to his back. With a low grunt he fell backwards, quickly cradling the kid to his chest to protect him from the hard tiles.

The kid's legs remained tangled in the chair he was using to keep them dry, pulling the heavy wooden object after them. When Kurogane hit the ground, the kid's splinted arm smacked him in the face, the chair clattering beside them loudly.

Syaroan tensed up and cried out, eyes flashing open in fear.

"C-calm down," he grunted, but he knew he didn't sound comforting at all. The kid struggled for a moment, not even able to overpower Kurogane while he was heavily weakened, before falling still like a doll, trembling and panting heavily.

He didn't know when it happened, but when he looked down at the kid again a pale hand was smoothing over chestnut hair. Fai was cooing reassuringly, stroking the boy's head even though the blonde was looking down.

Looking down? Why?

"Oi mage, help me out. It's your fault I fell in the first place."

"Of course, Kurogane," Fai answered meekly, reaching out to pull a towel free and wrapping it around Syaoran as he picked him up. "Can you get up by yourself? I'll bring Syaoran to my room."

Kurogane narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What happened?"

"Nothing you don't know about."

"Look at the kid."

"I wasn't even avoiding him," the vampire gave him a brittle smile, too fake to even pretend.

"I just told you to look, didn't say you were avoiding him," Kurogane grumbled, "put him in a bed. Make sure he sleeps. We still have a lot of cleaning to do."

"I have most of it covered already," Fai tilted his head, "you should lay down."

He barked out a laugh, "I _am _laying down, you idiot. Now get the kid to bed."

Fai nodded, removing himself from the room on light feet, leaving Kurogane to feel awfully blunt on the floor of the bathroom.

...

Two mismatched eyes were staring at her. Her Syaoran. The one who stole Fai's eye. _He was here to return it._

From by her side, two scared browns were looking up at her, tugging at her hand like a lost child. Yes, just like a child. _She was his mother now._

She smiled at Syaoran. Surely he would smile back at her. Because that's what he did, if she smiled for him, he smiled back.

He didn't though.

The child on her side whimpered.

She patted the brown hair. _No need to be scared. It's just Syaoran. You know him, you've looked through his eyes all this time._

Syaoran advanced. Mismatched eyes cold and emotionless. He lifted a hand towards her. _Ah, he missed her._

His hand lowered, and he grabbed the child's wrist. He grabbed Syaoran's wrist. The clone grabbed Syaoran's wrist.

Syaoran cried out in fear. _She didn't understand._

The clone pulled his original close to his body. Encircled him with one arm possessively. No emotion. _She didn't understand._

His skull split in an inhumane smirk, a bat, a bat-mark, a smirk.

She screamed.


	20. Chapter 20

He shuddered.

The bed was nice and warm, but his limbs were confined. Yet, he felt sort of safe.

Safe.

Were they playing with his mind again?

...

Fai leant his chin on the fingers woven together in front of him. He was sitting on the couch. He had made Kurogane reclaim his own room – if not a little forcedly – and was thus now to sleep in the living room in the ninja's place.

But he couldn't sleep. Not at all.

So he just sat there, elbows on his knees, fingers woven together and his chin on top. Staring into space. The room was completely dark, but he could still see every detail of the rough stone wall and the heavy wooden beams. He could perfectly make out the darkened spot smelling sourly on the floor.

The sky outside the window was slowly turning an ugly brown colour of dried blood, soon to regain it's strange green hue when the sun rose. Morning had found them sooner than Fai had found sleep.

Kurogane would be up soon. Even with the blood loss, he was an early riser. And by now he should have started recovering. Fai knew he'd have to be careful next time around anyway.

Sakura would be asleep for a while longer, due to the medication he gave her.

Syaoran. Who knew how long he'd stay asleep?

Fai slowly rose to his feet, gliding towards the kitchen with feather light steps. He'd make them some breakfast.

Would Sakura be able to feed Syaoran now?

...

Kurogane grunted when light fell on his eyes. He wasn't used to this kind of orientation towards a window while sleeping.

He shot up when he realized why he was in a different position from the window. The kid!

He flung his legs over the side of the bed, making sure not to stand up too abruptly. He was pleased to find he only got a little dizzy as he got up. He shuffled over to the door, not even bothering to put something on over his undershirt.

He could faintly hear Fai in the kitchen, making breakfast. Although his stomach was rumbling unpleasantly, he still passed by the kitchen without going in. He needed to see the kid first.

He softly opened the door to the new room of the kid, slipping inside quietly. A soft snoring sound came from the bed, reassuring Kurogane the kid was really asleep.

He tiptoed to the bed, peering over the pulled up blankets. It was the first time he saw the kid sleeping on his side since he got here. He had curled up, fingers of his good hand clamping down on the edge of the blanket next to his face.

He didn't look afraid though. He almost looked comfortable.

"So you're just going to go on recovering after that, leaving us in the muck behind you, huh?"

The kids fingers twitched a little, and a soft sleepy moan rumbled from beneath the cover.

"I don't know how you do it. Not that I want you back in that state, but wouldn't you expect you to have a draw-back after what the clone did yesterday?"

The boy whimpered slightly at the mention of the clone, pulling the blanket a little closer to his face.

"How?" Kurogane muttered, sinking down on a chair.

If that didn't shock the kid back, what would? He had drawn back from all contact in the beginning, and now he slept peacefully after being assaulted by his clone the other day. Like it hadn't been bad enough to keep worrying about.

Kurogane froze when realization hit him.

It hadn't been bad enough to keep worrying about. _He was used to worse_.

He rose to his feet and staggered out of the room, leaving Syaoran to emit another unhappy sleepy moan by himself.

...

Sakura's head felt unnaturally heavy when she woke up. She had the idea she had slept deeper and longer than usual.

She didn't have to think why. Fai had given her something to sleep, and she had happily accepted it. Anything to forget about what she had seen.

But now the night was over. Long over in fact, as the sky was bright green outside her window, sharp sunbeams painting yellow on her floor. She couldn't deny what she had seen anymore.

She stood up with renewed resolve. She'd do what she decided yesterday in her hysteric haze. She'd clean up those two. She only had to find out how. First, she needed Fai and Kurogane to tell her everything they knew.

She felt like the two had been aware of the way Syaoran had been abused. They had just kept it from her. No surprise there, and once again she felt a strange mix of anger and relief for being left out and being cared about. It was too late now, she had found out.

_The hard way._

And she would do something about it.

She slowly dressed herself, and then made her way to the kitchen. As soon as she appeared in the door Fai filled a bowl with porridge and put it in front on the table for her.

"How are you feeling?" He seemed surprisingly steady.

"Not too great," she admitted, "but there are more important matters than how I'm feeling."

"You mustn't overdo it," he gave her a sad smile.

"Syaoran needs me."

"Do you think you'd be up to feeding him?" She nodded at Kurogane's question.

"Yes. I have to take care of him. Both of them."

"Both?" She was sure she saw Fai's eye flash gold for a moment.

"I need to snap the other one out of it," she said firmly, starting to eat her breakfast, "it's my job to pull both of them out."

"You sound awfully determined for someone who was screaming hysterically just yesterday," Kurogane grunted skeptically, "if you're going to push yourself too hard, you'll be hurting more the next time things go wrong."

Sakura made sure neither could see the tears running down her face, struggling to swallow with the big lump in her throat.

It was difficult to keep in her sobs in the silence that followed.

When Fai rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder, she broke down in tears.


	21. Chapter 21

It was uncomfortable, if not plain awkward. And he knew Kurogane was thinking the same.

The two of them were leaning against the wall, stiffly next to each other. Sakura was next to Syaoran, carefully feeding him this morning's porridge bit by bit. They didn't dare to leave her alone now, afraid of possible strange reactions from the boy due to change of room or the occurrences of the last day, and of Sakura losing her nerve and falling apart while feeding Syaoran. But standing there together just _looking_ at them felt plain awkward.

Syaoran wasn't really awake, barely keeping his eyes open while he ate dutifully. His head kept lolling from one side to another, forcing Sakura to cup his cheek gently to raise his face for the spoon. He was making soft moaning sounds every now and then, as if caught up in a dream.

But every time the spoon was pressed to his lips, his eyelids fluttered open just enough to take a short look at Sakura before opening his mouth, his head drooping again as soon as Sakura let go of his face.

"I wonder why he is so sleepy," Fai muttered softly.

"He did kind of exert himself more than usual yesterday," Kurogane grumbled in response.

"True. But he was panicking only shortly, right?" Fai tilted his head. Syaoran should be getting far enough sleep, even if he was recovering from his wounds. But it wasn't just his wounds was it? The shattered limbs weren't even the problem.

Kurogane was silent, a frown on his face as he quietly observed another spoon being prodded to the brunette's lips. "He may not have been completely asleep when I bathed him yesterday," he finally said, "he appeared to sleep, but I can imagine he wasn't completely gone while I had him in the water."

He sighed, nodding in response. "That's likely, I suppose."

"Aren't you tired?"

"How come you're asking?" Fai twitched a grin on his face.

"Because you didn't sleep, you idiot. And you didn't feed enough either."

"I'm fine," Fai made a dismissive gesture, hoping the ninja wouldn't ask again "and I won't feed again until you're recovered some more. Maybe tomorrow evening. I can manage even without a night of sleep. I'm more worried about you, seeing how you looked yesterday."

"I recovered a lot during the night," Kurogane nodded, acknowledging Fai's worry in a way the mage wasn't used to from the ninja at all, "how about Sakura?"

"I gave her Syaoran's sleeping meds last night." Sakura looked up briefly. Fai's eye narrowed, studying her face. The distrust was completely gone, she was only checking why her name was said. Why had she stopped suspecting him? What had done the trick? _And was she right to?_

He shook the thought off. He had no ill intentions towards the boy. He genuinely cared about him and wanted him to recover from this nightmare. He only needed Syaoran to come to trust him again and the problems would be solved.

...

He watched the mage frowning from the corners of his eyes. Fai was doubting. But who, and why? Himself? Sakura? _Kurogane_?

Or he was just eating himself up over losing the clone of course. He seemed a bit too upset about it the day before. His screams had been worse than Sakura's.

"You know, I've been wondering," Sakura suddenly muttered.

He tensed, and felt Fai did the same. There were questions they didn't want to answer. _Questions she shouldn't ask._

"When Syaoran panicked and hit me in the head the other day," she continued softly, "he was calling out a word I didn't get. He called out 'Tsubasa'."

Syaoran's eyes flashed open shortly, zeroing in on Sakura's face. He shuddered heavily and then drooped again.

Kurogane had other things on his mind now though. The word made the contents of his stomach turn to ice, and he had to swallow difficultly before he could speak again. "What?" He forced his voice to sound a bit more brusquely. A bit less weak. "Him too? When the clone was here the first time and I followed him out, he told me 'Tsubasa is mine'."

...

"_Tsubasa is mine."_

Syaoran shot up with a scream. He choked on something in his mouth and coughed, gurgling and screaming. Small hands grabbed him, trying to press him down.

Down down _down_.

He screamed again and flung with his arm at the other person. His mirror, or the old man. He remembered no name, only that one. Only _Tsubasa_.

_Tsubasa is mine._ The low voice, it must have been the old man.

He faintly heard a high scream, too high, to surprised, too much.

He screamed, coughed, choked.

...

Sakura screamed in shock when Fai pulled her away just in time to avoid the swinging arm of the panicking boy. Kurogane knocked Syaoran on the back forcefully with a flat hand, causing the boy to spit out the porridge he was choking on.

Syaoran's head lifted a little, wide wet eyes focusing on Sakura. He whimpered and stretched his arm, before a animalistic wail left his throat and he curled in on himself. She echoed his whimper, pulling back into Fai's arms unconsciously.

"What was that," Kurogane asked shocked. His hands twitched at the covers of the bed – hesitating – before he dared picking them up and covering the shivering brunette.

"Whatever this word means, Syaoran doesn't react too well to it," Fai muttered, and Sakura shuddered in his arms. So scared. _So afraid._

"B-but when I said it..."

"Either he recognizes your voice, or Kurogane's male voice is enough to provoke him. I'm not even going to try to say it," Fai squeezed her shortly before letting her go, stepping back from her. Sakura circled her arms around herself, embracing her body now Fai wasn't doing it anymore. She shivered, and then reached out for the trembling boy. She was _here_ for _him_ now. For the scared, trembling boy writhing away from her under the covers.

"Syaoran."

No response.

"Syaoran, are you alright? Please don't be scared of us." She gently draped her hands over his covered shoulder, afraid to give any pressure now. He whimpered softly, but remained otherwise still.

"Why are you so scared of that word? What does it mean?"

She heard Kurogane shift uncomfortably. '_Tsubasa is mine_'. Was it a name? Did they give Syaoran this name? What did it mean?

"Please don't be scared," she smoothed her hand over his hair, and he visibly relaxed at her whispers.

_Why was he scared of it?_


	22. Chapter 22

Fai was starting to feel genuinely worried about Sakura. As far as he hadn't been already. She had refused to leave Syaoran's side, even after both he and Kurogane had tried to urge her to go back to the living room and let the boy sleep. She was determined _not_ to let him sleep.

He'd been watching her talk to Syaoran for 3 hours now, and she seemed inexhaustible. She was trying to coax him to answer, asking him what's wrong, why he was scared, if he wanted something. Fai gritted his teeth in frustration.

He wasn't going to answer. He wasn't going to wake up. At least not enough to give a coherent answer to her questions. If he were to wake up he'd more likely panic again than actually give sensible responses.

But Sakura wasn't about to stop.

Fai wondered if he had to tell her to leave again. He had done so about every half hour. She had refused him just as often.

Didn't she see he was trying to help? Didn't she see Syaoran wasn't ready for this yet? Why was she so determined on healing two kids who weren't even able to listen yet? Maybe she still didn't trust him after all.

She wasn't showing it anymore. Not like she had done. The open accusation in her eyes, the blunt refusal to let him alone with Syaoran. Now she had allowed him to clean the boy up in peace, leaving to take a shower herself while she waited. She had not hinted at him doing something wrong.

But still she wouldn't listen to him.

"Please wake up Syaoran, please wake up. Let me talk to you. I want to know what scares you. Why are you so scared Syaoran? Why are you scared? We won't hurt you. You know we won't. We're just here to help you, we only want the best for you. We only want to heal you."

Fai scowled.

Couldn't she see the boy was still isolating himself?

...

He knew he shouldn't be pacing around the living room like this. He was supposed to rest, so he'd have enough blood recovered for Fai to drink soon.

But he was restless. He hadn't been able to stand listening to the princess talking to Syaoran with that soft begging voice of hers. He had fled the room after only a little while.

Weak, so weak. He was supposed to be able to handle this sort of stuff without complaint. He used to be able to.

But that was before all this. These kids had broken through his defense, making him weak and vulnerable for emotions. They were breaking him apart, without even touching him.

"Damn this place," he stomped out of the room, grabbing his coat from the rack on his way. He was going to walk outside. Some fresh air would do him good.

Fresh air, tainted by an unknown green colour. It looked sickening. It smelled like metal and overheating electricity from the magnetic trains on the roads.

He grumbled, trying to find a place he could rest his ears. No muffled voice of a princess, no screeching sounds from the traffic.

Did this world even have such a place?

...

Syaoran didn't even open his eyes, no matter how hard she tried. He did sort of mumble quietly, but not loud enough for Sakura to hear what he was saying. He also wriggled around a bit, but it looked more like finding a comfortable spot to lay than to get away.

She wanted to help him, wanted to soothe him. She wanted to know what scared him so much.

But he didn't respond. He didn't even seem to hear her. She was slowly starting to feel this sleep was no improvement from his wide-eyed static state before after all. He may move now, but he was less responsive.

Like this, she couldn't feed him.

"Syaoran," she sighed. She reached up, and trailed her fingers through his hair, finally falling silent for a minute. She swallowed, trying to moisten her parched throat after talking so long.

He whimpered softly and shifted at her touch.

"Syaoran," she whimpered his name, resting her head on the sheets. He wasn't going to answer her. He wasn't going to wake up for her.

She wasn't even able to heal him.

The body on the bed shifted, and she felt an arm curl around her trembling shoulders. She chuckled softly.

He wouldn't answer, nor wake up. But he would try to comfort her even in that state.

...

Tears, trembling. Soft whimpers that weren't his.

He was sure this time, those weren't his. He didn't know when he had stopped making the sound himself and the other voice had started, but it was there.

Whimpers.

Trembling.

Who would be crying next to him? Someone new? Someone new to torture him in new ways?

Sakura.

Sakura was crying. He couldn't let her cry. Sakura had to smile.

If Sakura didn't smile, how could he ever smile again? Even if it wasn't for him. Even if it was for the clone.

_He needed Sakura to smile._

* * *

**A/N  
I'm about to upload a drabble fitting between 'Name' and 'Branded' tomorrow. It will be in my Drabbles and Omakes collection. I thought I'd just tell you because if you're reading this fic, that may be interesting for you as well ;) **


	23. Chapter 23

It was a strange dream. It was somewhat enchanting, and lonesome at the same time. It was undeniably a dream, although it looked very real.

There were long halls. Mostly grey, dark. Coarsely cut granite. But the line between the floor and the walls was decorated by the whitest of stone, a broad line of elegantly sculptured marble. The corners were set by wide plains of curvy sculpted white, suggesting strong pillars.

The deep grey floor was polished until it shone, and covered with a thick rich carpet. The carpet was just off grey, a subtle purplish tint to it. The carpet was coarse, rough and fluffy at the same time.

Although dark and grey, the halls emitted an ambiance of prosperity. Whoever lived here must be rich.

Provided it was just a single person living here. The amount of halls – seemingly endless – suggested this may be the home to many people. But it was abandoned now.

Not a sound. Not a whisper. Even when straining to hear, holding in breathing to not make any sound, the halls were silent as death. Death may be more noisy, considering corpses tended to attract animals.

But that wasn't a pleasant thought for dwelling these halls.

They didn't feel abandoned. Something about them felt like they still knew the touch of feet and the sound of chattering. The air was not damp enough, the carpet too clean.

The halls stretched almost endlessly. No sounds for guidance, no lights to show the way. Just a dull glow emitted from small lamps on the ceiling, spreading out to every branch of the hall-maze.

It was lonely, walking around in abandoned halls like this. Abandoned halls, which felt like they should live.

But live with what? With whom? Who lived here? What was this dream about?

Was someone there?

Still no sound, but time passes. Soft padding of feet on the carpet while moving, but not from others. Not from people belonging here. If anyone belonged here at all.

The soft curls on the marble strip marking the bottom of the walls were starting to make place for deeper, rougher designs. Like the one who carved it became more hasty, less patient. Maybe scared. Maybe these halls were always like this, and the one who carved it started to get nervous. Or the halls weren't abandoned at all, and there were other reasons the artist decided to hurry.

Maybe that person just needed to get on to a next project. Or go home to a family.

Either way, the pattern grew deeper, and less refined. The curls started to become more angular and shallow dots turned into blotched pits. And even though there was still no sound, and nothing else betraying change, the difference in the pattern made all nervousness climb. _Because something wasn't right_.

The end of the carpet.

The granite floor shone, polished and clean. Like a mirror. Probably very suitable for involuntary skating. It was a dark grey, slightly disconcerting. But completely innocent at the same time.

Finally, for the first time, a soft noise resounded.

Barely a whisper, a soft whimper on warm dry air. Barely enough to draw the attention of one so deep asleep to be having this dream.

In the wall was a sturdy wooden door. Neatly cut and smoothed, a strong dark wood lacquered transparently. Strong cables were carved a few inches from the side, like a knitted vest. It almost implied warmth, if only the door didn't give off such an unsettling feeling. The marble edge went around the doorway, but was uncharacteristically coarse. It seemed more like someone sliced the marble like soft clay in their hurry to get past the door.

The whimper sounded again, from behind that door. The warmth-implying cold door.

The door was heavy to push open, but didn't make a sound. Just a heavy weight guarding it, and no rusting hinges. It was being used.

The whimper was louder now. And even if this was a dream, the whimper seemed to call. No, _because_ this was a dream, the whimper was calling to come forth.

If it wasn't a dream, the whimper would have been so bone-chilling it would have been more like a warning to run – run for your life. Because something is very very wrong in these silent halls.

Something.

Silent.

The whimper was being muffled by just one more door. This door wasn't as pretty. This door was emanating pure despair, rot and imprisonment. This door was cheap and thin, splintering on the sides. A thick chain held it closed, although it looked like the frailest child would be able to kick through that rotting wood. It seemed to be held together by only the cheap yellow paint.

But that was just a facade, and it was clear even from a distance.

That door was used to lock people up. To lock in despair and pain. To lock out curious viewers and to lock in everything the curious viewer did not want to witness.

And that's what makes it so tempting to take a peek.

Until there were no more whimpers. When the whimpers were replaced by screams and pleas. A voice begging for mercy. A voice so blurred, and yet so clear to be recognised. Rough clanging sounds of chains accentuating every plea, framing every scream.

Every sobbed 'Tsubasa'.

Whatever was behind that door, it was not meant to be seen. And tears would fall and a dreamer would wake up.

And it would be a pair of concerned doe browns watching her as she fled the nightmare, releasing clear salty water to fall on a boy's meager shoulder.


	24. Chapter 24

She was crying. Why was she crying? Didn't she tell him she would smile for him before?

Or was that a lie?

Or was that a dream?

He lifted a hand, trying to wipe at the tears running down her face. She was too close, and his coordination was off. He ended up knocking his hand against her arm.

She didn't even show a reaction to that. Like she didn't feel it.

He had grown so weak.

But that's why she had to smile for him right?

He tried again, and big green eyes opened to look at him sadly. He narrowly avoided sticking a finger in one of those wet eyes, managing to trail his fingers over a soft cheek instead.

Why was she crying? Nothing was wrong now, was there? There was no pain right now, nothing ugly to see.

But there he was egotistically thinking she was crying for him. She may be sitting next to his bed, but she didn't claim she was sad because of him.

Maybe that had just been a dream. He didn't remember waking up for a while, after all.

Maybe he had been right. Maybe they hated him after all.

Especially after that.

He felt his muscles go stiff in the mere memory. Just the memory of hands on his filthy skin, chains on his wrists and ankles, the wet touch between his legs. All his muscles tensed up and he couldn't stop it. He couldn't control his own body.

He could no longer relax his muscles.

Sakura started shushing him, cupping his hand on her cheek and trailing her fingers through his hair. She whispered to him softly, so softly his damaged ears weren't able to make out what she was saying. But her lips were moving and he could read the comforting words off there.

So she was concerned after all?

She didn't hate him after all?

Then, didn't she know? Didn't she know who he was? Didn't she know what had happened to him, what he let happen to himself?

Was she aware how filthy the skin she was touching really was?

A soft sob rolled up through his throat.

His throat felt sore from making the sound.

Sakura petted his face softly, touched his hair. She had stopped crying. But her eyes were still sad.

Did she know?

He choked on another sob, and his fingers curled, sliding down to her neck clumsily. He had no strength in his arm left, not after holding it up for so long. But with the soft tug, she leaned down. She allowed him to wrap his arm around her shoulder and bury his face in the crook of her neck.

He couldn't remember the last time he clung to someone to just cry.

But he was sure he must have been more worthy of the comfort that last time.

...

Fai watched almost impassively as the boy's eyes slid open. He looked calm enough, so no need to jump.

And even if he did decide to panic, Fai trusted his own speed well enough to save Sakura from flailing limbs in time, even after a restless night growing stiff on the ground.

Syaoran wasn't that strong anymore after all.

Only in a panic he was able to even lift his broken limbs of the bed, and even then he was uncoordinated and they dropped down fast. He was more likely to writhe around clinging to his sheets like a sagging water balloon.

Sakura was still asleep, but Syaoran's eyes were focused on her face. Fai wondered what the boy saw. If anything, he didn't seem to be reacting to what he saw. Or perhaps, if Fai squinted, he could see a faint curiosity in his eyes.

A sad, confused curiosity.

Fai's eye shot to down when he noticed something drop. Just a droplet of water. He was being to jumpy. Sakura was crying again.

Her dream wasn't likely to be nice anyway.

He cocked his head when Syaoran tried to lift his hand, softly knocking against her arm. So he was reacting to her after all. But in a gentle way this time. It was better this way, as Fai preferred to let Sakura sleep a little more.

Syaoran showed a little more confusion on his face now. Fai chuckled softly to himself. It was almost like the boy hadn't expected his arm to move that way. He looked surprised by his own movement. Perhaps he was dreaming as well?

Although those eyes looked creepily awake this time. It made Fai shudder. Would the boy finally wake up? Would things finally get better soon?

Sakura opened her eyes as Syaoran managed to drop his hand against her face like a dead weight. She started whispering soothing words to him again, and Fai clenched his eye shut. There they go again.

Endless stream of words to a non-responsive boy. Although he seemed unusually awake right now.

It wasn't until the boy started crying and clinging to Sakura Fai realised Syaoran really was as awake as he could get right now.

...

When he returned the living room was still empty. Fai and Sakura were likely still in that room.

It was almost like he was living alone. Going to bed alone. Waking up alone. Going for a morning walk alone.

Making breakfast alone. No, Mokona would be lingering in the kitchen, so making breakfast would not be alone.

He decided to check the room with all the other idiots first. See if anything changed.

He was surprised to see something indeed had changed. Sakura was hugging Syaoran's body close, while the kid was hoarsely sobbing into the crook of her neck. His good arm clung around her back like a lifeline, trembling to keep hold. The mage was standing wide eyed a step away.

"He woke," Fai whispered, not even looking away from the two kids when Kurogane opened the door, "he's awake."

"He's been before," Kurogane tried softly, feeling confused as to what was happing.

A blue eye turned to him, still wide in surprise. "Yes, but never completely. Never _really _awake. But he is now."

Kurogane turned to the kid, seeing the boy clench his eyes shut around the tears leaking over his cheeks.

Finally.

...

She felt like laughing and crying at the same time. But she wouldn't do either.

She held Syaoran's body close, lifting his scarily light torso against her chest. She felt his finger search her shoulder for a hold, felt the muscles in his arm quiver in the strain to just _hold on_.

Her neck dampened with warm tears.

She held him close, muffling his sobs with her body. All she could do to soothe him was hold him close.

And that seemed to be what he wanted. He buried his face deeper in her neck, as if trying to hide. Hiding from what, she still didn't know. Not now, not while he was like this. Because surely, he was too aware to hide for someone who wasn't here now.

So she held him, and he clung to her. And he cried.

So many tears he had still to shed.


	25. Chapter 25

"Are you feeling up to speaking with us?" Fai gave his most gentle smile, making his voice sound the least threatening he possibly could.

Syaoran was sitting up straight, propped up by all of their cushions in his back, fingers trembling nervously in Sakura's palms. He regarded Fai a moment with wide eyes, before barely nodding.

"Can you tell me how you are feeling?" Fai scooted a little closer with his chair carefully. Kurogane had chosen the furthest wall to lean against – most likely still feeling nervous after what happened when he repeated the clone's words out loud. Sakura was perched on the side of the bed, holding both of Syaoran's hands in hers. His hurt arm lay heavily over his lap.

Syaoran blinked, as if not completely comprehending. He licked his lips and swallowed difficultly. "I'm fine."

Fai smiled broadly instead of cringing at the boy's hoarse voice, telling them such an obvious lie. He was scared, no matter how you looked at it. Trembling, wide eyes, hesitancy. And he was likely to be in pain too.

When Sakura released one of his hands to pick up the glass of water for him, his fingers twitched and his arm clenched to his body. He was blinking rapidly now, like a cornered animal.

"Drink some water," she urged him. Syaoran gave Fai another nervous look, but when the smile on his face hadn't faltered he dared to take a sip from the glass. His hand instinctively lifted to hold the glass, but he was trembling too badly to get his fingers around it.

"Is that better?" She smiled brightly at him, and he nodded hesitantly.

"Is there anything you want," Fai tried again.

Syaoran shook his head quickly.

"Nothing to eat?"

The brunette grimaced. "N-no."

"Aren't you hungry?" Sakura asked in surprise, and Fai frowned when that caused Syaoran to draw back from her.

"N-no."

"Are you thirsty then? Would you like something warm to drink?" He knew they couldn't force the boy to eat, but if they could give him a broth he would get at least something.

Syaoran stayed silent for a while, his face turning down so he could stare at his lap. Sakura gently squeezed his hands, and he shuddered.

Just when Fai was about to try asking it again, Syaoran answered quietly. "Yes, please."

"Kuro-pon, can you go and heat what's left in that pan with Mokona?" He gave the ninja a big grin, and the dark man hurried out of the room.

Fai understood. Kurogane was a man to have fought and killed for his entire life. It was no surprise it would be a wounded boy instead of another warrior or monster to bring him down to fear. _Fear_. Like the Syaoran feared them back.

"There's no need to be afraid," he muttered.

Sakura reacted by giving the boy another big encouraging smile, backing up Fai's words. Syaoran on the other hand blinked in confusion, to their great surprise leaning forward towards Fai.

The brunette blushed and shot back the moment he realised what he did, and tried to hide beneath his bangs, clenching his eyes shut.

"I was saying there's no need to be afraid," Fai repeated gently, a little louder. Syaoran froze, before nodding.

Fai frowned when he thought that over. Syaoran hadn't heard him the first time, that much was obvious. But the room was quiet, and Sakura must have been able to make it out clearly to react to his words so fast.

"Syaoran," he whispered, but he got no response apart from Sakura turning to him questioningly. "Syaoran, can you hear me?"

Sakura's eyes widened and she turned back to the boy.

"Syaoran," her voice was tense, and louder than Fai's.

The way the boy tentatively looked up to her showed clear enough this was the first time he heard his name being called out.

His ears were damaged.

...

The kid being awake like this only made Kurogane feel more unsettled. It was his voice which had provoked the last panic attack from the boy. Sure, he said something the kid obviously hadn't wanted to hear, but he hadn't had half the violent reaction when Sakura said it.

His voice made the boy panic.

The boy was afraid of his voice.

_Syaoran was afraid of him._

And whereas he would have thought that a good thing before this journey started – when people feared him, they respected him – these people had become his friends. And that was something new, he had trouble to handle.

But he did know they weren't supposed to fear him. And seeing the hurt boy so scared, it made Kurogane feel guilty.

He didn't know what exactly he was feeling guilty over. It wasn't him who hurt the boy. It wasn't him who justified that fear.

_All he had done was allow the boy to be taken in the first place._

He gritted his teeth. Back to that level again. Back to blaming himself over something that _wasn't his fault!_

But the kid was scared of him now. And he had no idea how to fix it.

...

It cost her more effort than she wanted to keep smiling when Fai made her realise. Syaoran's hearing was damaged. They couldn't have noticed before, with the boy being asleep. But now it was too noticeable he couldn't hear them when they were speaking softly.

Too obvious.

She forced the smile to stay on her face, because she didn't want to worry him. But it looked like she was not successful, a concerned fear flashing into Syaoran's eyes when he watched her.

"Are you hurting?" She quickly asked, trying to mask her worry.

Syaoran drew back a little, his fingers trembling harder in her hands. He shook his head.

"Aren't your legs and arm hurting, Syaoran?" She insisted, "if they're hurting, we can give you painkillers. We don't want you to be in pain."

His eyes found hers again, and he looked hesitant.

"It hurts," he finally conceded.

"Then we'll let you take some medicine after you drank your broth," she lifted a hand to stroke the side of his face. He flinched from it for a moment, before leaning in to the touch and letting out a shuddering breath.

"Is it a lie?" Sakura froze at his soft question. "Again?"

"A lie?" She shuddered, not sure whether it was indignation, worry or hurt. "I wouldn't lie to you Syaoran. I would never."

"It's always been a lie." His eyes were wet with beginning tears, and large, and afraid.

"I'm not sure what you mean, but this is no lie."

"The warmth." His fingers curled around hers. "Warmth was a lie. Every time."

"We're not lying to you," she insisted.

"Are you going to hurt me too?"

"I will not," she choked on a sob, "don't say that Syaoran! I will never hurt you on purpose! Nor will Fai or Kurogane. Don't be afraid of us, please!"

She felt Fai's hand curl over her shoulder and she shot back, opening her eyes – when had she closed them? – to see Syaoran trembling, watching her. Tears were running down his face, but he was no longer accusing her.

But still afraid.


	26. Chapter 26

Fai stood up quietly, making for the door. Syaoran had fallen back into another fit of crying, and Sakura had managed to snap out of her panic induced by Syaoran's distrust without Fai's help. She was now stroking his hair, holding him close again as he sobbed softly.

He was sure they were going to have quite a few of these crying bouts in the future. But who could blame him? No matter how strong he had been when they first met him, the state they found him in just a few weeks ago told them enough he wasn't likely to return to being so strong any time soon.

The way he wandered into the kitchen might have fooled even himself as an aloof way. If it wasn't for the stress coiling in his stomach, he might have believed himself.

It seemed like Kurogane was not so easily tricked, if his suspicious glare was anything to go by.

"You okay?"

He settled against the table, watching Kurogane stir the broth. "Not really."

Kurogane turned, eyes wide in surprise at the unexpected answer. "Say what?!"

"What I mean to say is, I'm feeling very worried about Syaoran," Fai clarified, feeling the slightest bit offended at the ninja's surprise at him confessing something like that, "in that aspect, I'm not okay. And neither are you."

Kurogane huffed and turned back to peer into the broth. Fai could see Kurogane didn't quite believe him there.

"It will go faster if you turn the heat up above the minimum," Fai pointed out, letting a little playfulness seep into his voice. It was a lot easier here, when the broken boy was out of sight. With his soft sobs muffled by walls and doors, and Fai could just pretend his sharp ears weren't able to make out the breathy sounds even over the clanging of Kurogane's spoon in the pan. Just looking at the ninja fume and aggressively turning the heat up, looking all the way like he should.

Too bad he was once again not able to trick himself, nor the ninja. If only for Mokona snoozing one of the cupboards, reminding them how she never slept as much as she did since Syaoran arrived. It was clear to anyone the creature was fleeing in sleep. It must be hard to feel everyone's emotions around you in a situation like this. Perhaps Mokona could feel Syaoran's emotions.

No, it was no wonder the creature kept itself asleep, her soft whimpering only to be heard when the kitchen was absolutely quiet.

And the remembrance of what he just found out wasn't helping either. He couldn't really ignore the soft sobs his enhanced hearing was picking up. No matter how badly he wanted, he couldn't.

...

Kurogane cursed at the broth, now starting to steam into his face.

"Oi, why don't _you_ do this, you..."

"His hearing is damaged."

Kurogane gaped like a fish for a moment, not used to being cut off by the mage. It took him a few seconds to realise what he had just been told.

"His hearing?"

"Yes. If you talk softly to him, he can't hear you. So please speak clearly inside that room, and don't let him notice. He's bad enough without us rubbing it in."

"I know that," he scowled. How did they even manage to damage his hearing? He was hearing fine while they spoke normally, so it was just a little damaged. Not like they had poked through his eardrums or something.

He shook his head, mixing broth so violently it splashed over the side of the pan. It wasn't like he was going to find out the details of what happened to the kid. It wasn't like they could ask him. Not yet, at least. If they ever could, it would still take weeks to months. Maybe even years. There was no way they could ask this shivering mess of frightened boy to tell how he had been tortured.

Especially because of the state they found him.

He froze, suddenly realising something. He slowly looked up at the mage, careful to keep his face as blank as possible. "Have you cleaned the kid yet?"

The vampire scowled and made a soft helpless sound. "No."

...

I took a little time, but eventually Syaoran calmed down again. Sakura petted his hair untiring, gently easing him back into the cushion when the soft hiccupping stopped.

"Are you feeling better now?"

He stared down at his hands for a moment, before nodding softly.

"You can tell me if you're not," she insisted gently, her fingers curling around his again.

He swallowed audibly and nodded.

"Kurogane is going to bring you some broth to drink soon," she promised, gently stroking his cheek with one hand, "is there anything else you want to eat or drink? It's better if you eat something before we give you painkillers."

He shook his head.

"Are you really sure? Aren't you hungry?"

He flinched and shook his head again.

"Don't be scared." She stroked his cheek again, and he raised his head just enough to peer at her from underneath tear-clotted lashes.

It was frightening how much he looked like a child now. He had been so strong and determined when he joined them in that dreadful country of Tokyo. But now his face gave away fear and uncertainty. He would cry in her arms like a child, and cling to her as if she were his only hope. She had to bite her lip to avoid crying again herself when she reached aside for one of the tissues Fai used when he cleaned op the boy, gently dabbing with it at Syaoran's face. He closed his eyes in surprise, but allowed her to wipe away tears, drool and snot alike without flinching.

Probably without even realising what it was she was wiping at.

His good arm lifted, trembling. He reached out for her hesitantly. She gave him a smile, taking hold of the outstretched hand.

"Why are you touching me," he asked, sounding puzzled.

She blinked, confused. "I want to help you, that's why. Don't you want me to touch you?"

His head tilted, and he gnawed his bottom lip harshly. What should be a sign of thinking turned to biting himself to bleed. Sakura quickly reached out with her other hand to pry her thumb between his lips, forcing him to stop biting it. He didn't bleed much, but it concerned her nevertheless.

She couldn't ask him about it while he was still in the process of answering the last question though.

"But I'm dirty," he finally told her, confusion in his eyes.

"Don't be silly," she laughed softly, "I will clean you up if you are. You can't clean something if you don't touch it."

He blinked at her, obviously mulling that over. He licked the bleeding lip, shuddering at the taste.

"Don't worry about it," Sakura cupped his cheek and smiled at him, "I will not stop touching you even if you have all the dirt of the world on you. I will clean it instead."

...

He shuddered, but not from cold. He was feeling warm this time.

She was smiling at him, and he felt his lip twitch to do the same. Even if he didn't remember smiling for real in the past years, his lip was twitching to do so now.

He knew he wouldn't really smile. His face didn't remember how. But it was warm, nevertheless.

Her promise.

He hadn't expected this.


	27. Chapter 27

He realised he failed to tell Kurogane he was leaving the kitchen only when he found himself blinking at his own reflection in the bathroom. In fact, it was only when he met his own tired eye he realised he left himself.

He wondered if Kurogane had noticed him leaving. On one hand the ninja was frighteningly sharp – it was his job, after all. On the other hand Fai's movements had gotten an even more subtle edge after turning into a vampire.

He tilted his head, examining his own face. He was pale, and his lips were the same colour as the rest of his face, drawn into a cracking dry line. His usually sky blue eye looked more like it was about to rain than anything else.

He'd need to feed tonight. Kurogane seemed like he had recovered enough from the last feeding, which had gone a little too far. Not just a little, really too far.

He turned from his own sickly reflection. He didn't look good to begin with. The inky eye patch promising empty void beneath made him look all the more scary, wrong, _untrustworthy_. His pale pallor turning paler was the only thing needed to make him look like a walking corpse.

He started rummaging through the closets, taking out clean washcloths and freshly washed folded sheets.

His stomach churned at the thought of cleaning Syaoran while he was awake and clear.

...

It was an unusually detached feeling alerting him the mage was no longer there. Normally he felt it clearer, but now it was like the man had slowly faded out of the room, instead of walking through the door.

It didn't really matter though. It meant he was on his own with the boiling broth again either way. He just had to suppose it was ready by himself.

He turned off the heat and ladled the clear salty liquid into a bowl, grabbing a spoon before leaving the kitchen. Mokona hadn't woken up at all during his not-so-silent stay in the kitchen, but he couldn't bring himself to worry too much. At least the little creature was able to detach herself from this reality like this. Hopefully everything would be better once they had to poke her back to true consciousness.

_Better._

He scoffed at his own barely honest optimism.

When he pushed through the door into the kid's room, his eyes immediately searched out the boy's meager frame. He was still upright, shivering hands cradled in Sakura's.

The door made an ominous creak halfway its swing, and the spoon clanked against the bowl as it was jostled in Kurogane's big steps. The kid shot up straight, his spine arching back and his head whipping around to give Kurogane a frightened look.

Kurogane froze in his steps, and Syaoran cried out, trying to push himself away with his good hand before curling his body up and covering his head with his arm.

"Syaoran, it's just Kurogane," Sakura shushed him, her voice loud and clear as she gently lay her hands on his shoulders.

He shuddered and jerked back. "No! Don't hurt me!"

Kurogane gulped heavily, trying to wet his parched throat as he watched Sakura attempting to calm the kid down. He hadn't even done anything. He had just walked in, sounds alerting the boy of his presence.

He didn't even need to do anything to scare the kid.

The kid was scared of him, no matter what.

_He was a threat to him._

He clumsily put down the bowl and the spoon on a dresser close to the door, not going closer to the bed where Sakura was desperately trying to soothe the brunette and get him out of his small panic.

A small panic, because he wasn't swinging with his arms and he wasn't trying to run. But is wasn't small.

He was scared to death.

Kurogane turned on his heels, feeling nauseous.

Syaoran wasn't supposed to be scared of him. Syaoran was supposed to trust him. He was supposed to help the boy heal.

_But he only made it worse._ All he did was make him panic. He would fall back to his fears when Sakura worked so hard to coax him into trusting_._ He would hurt himself, those broken limbs and the mark on his chest. _And he only had to walk into the room for it._

Since when did he become such a monster even the ones he thought of 'friends' couldn't learn to trust him anymore?

...

"Where did Kuro-pon run off to?" Fai asked, looking rather confused as he appeared in the doorway with a large bowl of water in his hands.

Sakura looked up from petting Syaoran's head, as the boy was finally relaxing against her after his short panic.

"He... uhm. He left in a hurry when Syaoran's panicked just now."

"Syaoran panicked?" Fai quickly set the bowl down on the floor, moving closer with supple cat-like steps to see Syaoran closer without alarming him again.

"I think it was just the sound of Kurogane entering and the fact he's so big." Sakura eased her fingers through chestnut hair and the boy trembled lightly against her, burying his face closer to her chest.

Fai looked at her imploringly. She understood why he did. It wasn't like Kurogane the flee the scene like that. It was the first logical thought to think she wasn't telling him something.

"I really don't know anything else," she told him softly, "maybe he was on edge already. After all, he's been the only one standing strong constantly until now. He is the only one who didn't break down when the rest of us did."

"I didn't either," Fai objected.

Sakura gave him a pointed look. She may not have seen it with her own eyes. He may not have told her. But she knew as clear he had a breakdown when the clone escaped him as she knew she had one herself.

Fai averted his eye, seeming to realise she was looking straight through his lie.

"I... I didn't mean to."

Sakura's eyes widened in surprise, and she cuddled the scared boy a little closer at his whispered words.

"Don't apologise, silly thing," she told him, trying to keep her voice soft and still clear enough for him to hear, "you can't help it when you are surprised. As long as you know you don't have to be afraid of any of us."

"But I was," he admitted quietly, "I was."

"Are you afraid of Kurogane?" She made sure to thread her fingers through his hair again, comforting him with her touch.

"I was. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to." He sobbed quietly.

"Don't worry. You can trust us. We'll make you trust us again, we won't hurt you."

"But I hurt him."

Sakura froze when she realised how sharp Syaoran still was.

And even in this state, he would worry about things like that. He would never _really_ change, would he?


	28. Chapter 28

It worried Fai somewhat he hadn't heard the boy panicking when Kurogane had entered. He shouldn't get so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't hear important things anymore. The clone could just as well have barged in again, and he might not have noticed because he was too busy with himself. Bringing out supplies to clean Syaoran shouldn't be his opportunity to lose himself.

"Don't worry, Syaoran, I'm not going to hurt you. I'll explain you what I'll do first, so you know what's happening, ok?"

Syaoran nodded hesitantly, still looking distinctly scared. He had started trembling even worse the moment Sakura left the room to go after Kurogane, no matter her reassurances that it would all be all right and she wouldn't be long. She had told the boy Fai would wash him, but he wasn't sure if that had registered.

Fai slowly sat on the chair next to the bed, hesitating before splaying his fingers on top of Syaoran's. Syaoran twitched, but didn't pull back from him. Good.

"While you were asleep, I've been keeping you clean from... from your wastes. You couldn't control your bladder or sphincter while you were sleeping." Fai knew his own face tinged slightly pink, embarrassed for having to explain this to the boy himself. Syaoran was turning a far darker shade of red, lowering his face and trembling even harder in shame. "You couldn't help it, so there's no need to be ashamed," Fai quickly told him. "I don't mind to do this for you. I just want to help you wherever I can, ok?"

Syaoran nodded tensely.

"Now you've woken up, I think you can control your bladder again, right?"

Syaoran nodded quickly, a soft whimper spilling over his lips instead of a spoken answer.

Fai squeezed the boy's fingers slightly. "Just tell us when you need to relieve yourself, and we'll arrange something you can handle alone. It's just... I'm not sure about your sphincter..." Fai hesitated. "It looks... damaged. We'll need to check if you can still use it."

Syaoran whimpered again, but nodded.

"Please don't be scared." Fai squeezed the boy's hands again. "Now all I'm going to do is take a washcloth, and clean everything from the skin around your groin and behind. After that we'll check if your sphincter still works together, and then I'll dress you again. You think you can handle that?"

"Yes," Syaoran answered softly.

"Then we'll just let you lie back now so I can reach easier, ok?"

On the boy's nod he carefully reached around his back, keeping him up while he removed the cushions Syaoran was sitting against. He slowly lowered the boy's trembling body and stripped away the sheets, keeping an eye on his face for any sign of panic. Syaoran clenched his eyes shut and bit his lip sharply, but didn't panic. Even the opening of the diaper went well, and Fai was grateful the boy didn't look to see what exactly it was he was wearing.

Lifting the boy's legs sent heavy shudders through his body and Syaoran clenched his fingers into the bed sheets scared. Fai paused to let the boy calm himself down again, before carefully wiping at the boy's skin, starting as far away from his privates as he could to let Syaoran get used to the touch before it got too intimate. Syaoran's whimpers turned to whines as Fai closed in on the middle, but he didn't dare to stop. If he stopped now, would Syaoran give him the chance again? Would Syaoran be able to handle it again?

A soft sob broke out of Syaoran's throat as the washcloth passed over his privates, and Fai hurried as fast as he could without moving too quickly.

"I-it's clean now," he told the boy with a sigh of relief. Syaoran peeked at him with one eye for a moment, seeing he wasn't letting his legs down. The eye scrunched shut again, and Fai noticed the boy was biting his lip until it bled.

"I'm sorry Syaoran, but can you try to clench your sphincter?"

Brown eyes flew open, watching him in fear.

"Please, Syaoran," Fai begged softly, hoping the tone of his voice would convince the boy he was not going to do anything bad.

After a while, Syaoran slowly nodded. Fai felt muscles tense, and the boy cringed. It took a few more seconds for the boy to open his mouth.

"It hurts."

"I'm sorry." Fai moved so he was able to see, cringing himself at the slightly slack opening. It didn't look like Syaoran could use it at all.

He carefully – gently – touched the tip of his finger to the side, and Syaoran's body grew stiff. But not his sphincter.

Could a ripped muscle ever heal?

...

His mind had gone blank three blocks ago, and he hadn't even noticed sitting down. He had probably sat down because his leg was aching, even though he had been ignoring it before. He shouldn't have crossed the street without looking, but the man on the steel motorless machine seemed to have been off worse after his collision than he had been.

Or at least he thought so, as the man had stayed down on the street, while Kurogane had simply picked himself up and stalked on.

He hadn't registered the pain in his leg until now, when he looked down and saw the fabric of his pants dark with blood. But even now it didn't fully register. He knew there was something he had to do with the blood, but he couldn't quite remember what.

Or why.

Because if he would try to touch the wounded boy he would only scare away, and the damage would be worse.

...

Sakura sighed when she spotted Kurogane just around the corner into the alleyway next to the building. She somehow doubted he had stopped there when walking out. More likely had had made a round through the city first before landing back here.

She approached him carefully, as he sat frozen in place staring down. Down, down at his leg. His face was blank, like he didn't know what to think of the leg. Like trying to remember something, but not quite caring about it at the same time.

She gasped when she noticed the blood. Most of it had soaked the fabric of his pants, a little on his shoe and just a few drips on the ground. It was too much blood, although it could have been worse.

But it was really bad though. Every drop of the ninja's blood wasted was for Fai to starve.

She hurried the last few steps and dropped on her knees next to the large man. He didn't even look up, but blinked slowly when she started to roll up the leg of his pants.

"Don't touch it," he muttered absently.

"Don't be a fool Kurogane," she said, her body tensing the moment the sharp words left her mouth. She couldn't afford the ninja to get angry with her.

When the man didn't protest any further, she revealed a clean deep cut in his calf. She had no idea how he got it, but it was bleeding too much. She quickly slipped out of her vest and tore off the sleeves to wrap them tightly around Kurogane's leg.

"I need you to get up and come upstairs Kurogane," she told him softly.

"The kid is afraid of me. I shouldn't go back until he heals."

"Nonsense," she tugged at his arm, not even close to be able to lift him, "Syaoran was just startled. He isn't really afraid of you. He's even feeling bad about hurting you right now."

Kurogane looked up at her slowly. He blinked once, and then finally a wry smile tugged at his lip. He scoffed. "Of course. What else to expect from the kid than feeling guilty about being scared."

He hoisted himself up, Sakura vainly trying to steady him even though she knew he didn't need it. Or it wouldn't be any help, either way.

"I'm not going into the kid's room anymore."

Sakura nodded slowly. She knew that. She understood that.

"Come upstairs," she repeated softly, "let's get that wound clean and bandaged up."

"It's nothing."

"I don't care."

Kurogane chuckled darkly, and Sakura felt herself smile despite herself. She still had some power over these men, no matter how much more muscle they had. They knew it, and she would use it.

And that they accepted.

* * *

**A/N**

**I'm so sorry about the slow updating! I'm really busy and I will be for another 2 weeks, but I hope I'll be able to write at least a little during that time.**


	29. Chapter 29

Fai knew he was trembling, while he should be steady and firm. It disgusted him that a simple scene like this could make him feel so afraid he couldn't control his shudders. This was not the time to show weakness. _He was only making things worse now._

It was clear Syaoran knew. Syaoran knew he was scared. And Syaoran was feeling guilty about that, even through his own fear.

Sakura hadn't returned yet, and the boy had broken down in another series of sobs. With nobody else around, Fai had sat close and gently put his hands on the brunette's shoulders.

It took a few seconds before Syaoran had gathered up the courage to lean forward and press himself to Fai instead. The way his fingers were grappling showed he was still apprehensive. He didn't want to cling to Fai, he wanted Sakura. But Fai was the only one available.

And it scared Fai to see the boy so afraid. He was supposed to be feeling safe, encased in his arms as the blonde tried to soothe his tears. But the crying only grew louder and the sobs wrecked his body in heavy shudders.

He wasn't calming down at all.

Fingers curled and uncurled in the fabric of his shirt, searching a new spot to cling on every other minute. Syaoran shrunk in on himself, his face pressing lower and lower on Fai's body as he cried and trembled.

And all Fai could do was stroke his back in the most soothing way he could, and softly shush the boy with sounds he couldn't hear. All he could do was pray silently Syaoran would either cry himself to sleep, or Sakura would come in and take this heavy task away from him.

All he could do was bite his lip and hope Syaoran would stop noticing his fear.

...

He was walking straight on, ignoring everything around him. His surroundings didn't matter. It all didn't matter. This world, this city, these people. Their sickly coloured air and their stinking machines, their uncaring behaviour and their rude looks. It didn't matter.

He crossed the street, not caring to watch where he was going.

_Now that he thought of it, didn't this happen before?_

There was probably a light stopping the vehicles at the moment, as he walked on unharmed. He didn't care. They didn't care.

Right before he stepped onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street, a sharp feeling bit his leg while a young man and his vehicle crashed into him heavily.

_This happened already. This was before._

He didn't care. A collision with a small motorless vehicle like that wouldn't stop him. Something was slick under his fingers as he pressed himself up from the biting stone street. He stood, faintly noticed one leg wasn't obedient, and started walking again.

He didn't care. Not about anything.

He turned his head just enough to still spot the boy lying on the street. Vehicles stopped around him, hitting their breaks with violent screeches not to drive him over. A messy mop of chestnut brown hair spilled over the stones.

Kurogane froze. _The kid_.

This had happened before, this wasn't happening right now. This was just a little while ago in the streets. This was a memory.

But had it been the kid lying there on the street before?

He lay sprawled out, a red streak on the rough stones next to his shoulder. He wasn't moving.

_Did he kill the kid?_

The splints looked heavy on the motionless arms, white bandages scarily clean on the dirty street. Only red next to the shoulder, and unmoving body, and people around it looking hesitating as if they were wondering whether they should worry or not. _Idiots_.

He hadn't cared. This world was a dangerous one. Not for the monsters, but just because of the carelessness of the people. And he had just stormed in without caring, scaring the kid and making him panic. Making him bleed. Making him die.

_He killed the kid._

A hand on his shoulder made him snap around, and he suddenly met with the large green eyes of the princess. No street, no bleeding brunette, no green air. Just the stark white light of the bathroom and the worried looking princess with a wet cloth in her hands.

"Kurogane... please."

...

Sakura had started to worry for real when the ninja had dozed off as soon as he sat down in the bathroom. This was not like Kurogane at all. He was never so vulnerable.

She saw his eyelids flutter, and as he took in a sharp breath she suddenly doubted whether he really fell asleep. He certainly looked like he was dreaming, but his expressions were too active.

His expressions were shocked, scared and panicked.

Who was this man before her? Was this the same man who had always been so infallible during their journeys?

Was this the unfazed ninja she had known before?

What happened to bring him down to this? Was he really this badly affected by the state of Syaoran?

Was it because Syaoran was his friend?

Even though it had been the clone being his friend, of course. Not this one. They barely knew this one. The small couple of weeks he'd travelled with them they all had mostly ignored him. _But it was hard to distinguish between the sweet and caring boy they had known and the scared and hurt one they were caring for right now_. It was so easy to think of the destructive clone as the one they hadn't known before.

Because like he was now, they had never known him. They had never known this heartless puppet. They had know _Syaoran_, a boy who would do anything for her even though she couldn't remember him. That's the one she wanted back. That's the one she would get back.

But as long as he was out on rampage, and this other boy was lying like a broken doll in a bed in their house, her cares had to go to this one. And it was so much easier to pretend this was the one she knew.

It must be like that to Fai and Kurogane as well. Fai had lost his bitterness towards Syaoran, as if the country with the acid rain had never happened.

And Kurogane...

Did he see this boy as the one he taught all those times during their travels? Did he look at the crying mess to see his pupil, afraid of him? Was this deep shock part of Kurogane's background, perhaps?

Not that it made any difference right now. Kurogane was breaking under the strain, that much was clear. Sakura had to make sure he'd remain standing. They couldn't afford to lose the one protecting them all.

She held a cloth under the streaming water of the tap, preparing it to clean the sand sticking in the drying blood on Kurogane's skin.

They couldn't lose him. They shouldn't. They needed each other now, and if Kurogane broke down, it would be a matter of days until none of them were left.

She approached him, gently laying a hand on his shoulder. His eyes flickered open, hazy for just a fraction of a second before sharpening, his muscles going taut with sudden alertness.

He looked at her in confusion.

"Kurogane... please."


	30. Chapter 30

**I admit, this is spectacularly late. I hope next update will be faster.**

* * *

His body froze. For a small moment he wanted to sit up, but his limbs were too heavy.

His eyes were wide and wet. He could feel tears running down his face in a steady stream. _Weak. So weak._

_So scared._

Despite his heavy limbs and _that he knew better than that_ he tried to pull back. Tried to shift away. But it was no use. Even if he could've run, it was no use.

"Tsubasa," he whimpered. _And he didn't even know why._

...

Fai's body froze in place. His eyes shot up, looking passed the arm of the ninja. Blood spilled in his lapse of attention for the wound, but even with the craving sting in his stomach telling him to feed, another instinct now dominated.

Who would have thought a vampire could put protecting above feeding?

"No. No no no!" He sprung to his feet and shot out of the room, leaving a dazed and perplexed ninja behind. _That clone had some seriously bad timing._

He practically crashed through the door to the room Syaoran was staying in and went straight for the clone looming over the boy's bed. To his side Sakura jolted up from her sleep in surprise, but she could offer no other input as Fai went for the clone's throat.

The clone sidestepped him with ever surprising ease, and Fai turned his body just in time to bounce from the bed. Syaoran was lying still as a statue, tears running down his face and his lips murmuring nonsense. But his bared limbs and torso were absolutely still.

Fai took a small moment of satisfaction at the fact he managed to hear Syaoran's pleading before the clone made it to the boy's crotch this time, and he launched himself after the heartless brunette to his side.

_On second thought, he shouldn't have let Syaoran distract him for even that little bit._

He couldn't even growl out his pain when Hien slid cleanly into the flesh right above his armpit. All it took was his own momentum and the clone's disproportionate strength to shift his destructive path the slightest bit, crashing him through the window at the same time the sword slid out.

_How did this even happen?_

...

He was confused, and for some reason his body wasn't quite doing what he was telling it to do.

The vampire had left mid-meal, and he did have the presence of mind to press against the wound to stop the blood from flowing. He was already light-headed with blood loss, and he couldn't afford to lose more for something as ungrateful as the ground.

He heard a window shattering, and worry shot through him like nausea. _That was the kid's room._

He stumbled to his feet, grabbing his sword of the floor just as much to lean on as to fight with. His leg screamed protest and his vision swam, but he had more important business than fainting like a girl.

Even if the boy was scared of him – which Sakura denied, but what did she know? – it was not a reason to ignore him while he was in danger.

No, it was not.

_Wait, if he protected him, wasn't that like proving he could be trusted?_

He should do that. He should find his way to the room with the shattered window and beat the crap out of whoever was trying to hurt the kid.

_But it was pretty hard to find the door if the room kept moving like it had gone mad._

He wondered what the 'oomph' sound meant. And why he was looking at the dust gathering in the edge between the floor and the doorpost.

...

"Syaoran, please don't!"

Sakura trembled, standing stock still in front of the chair she had been sleeping in. The clone was studying his bloodied sword with a detached look, his hand already back on his original's thigh.

Two eyes turned towards her. One a brown in such a warm colour it looked fake in its coldness, the other a blue so icy it could freeze her. _How could he look so scary and cold without any emotion in those eyes?_

"Please don't do this," she begged quietly.

"Why?"

Her eyes widened. There was no empathy in the boy's voice, but instead a genuine curiosity born from incomprehension. He had absolutely no clue why he should not do what he was about to do.

And actually she felt proud she made him care enough to ask.

"Because you don't want this," she told him, still begging, "you're not like this, Syaoran. You're not like this, and when you will feel again, this memory will hurt."

"I can feel," he told her, dismissing her argument and turning back to the still body on the bed. The boy whimpered when the clone slid his hand up, trying to pry his way into the diaper.

"No you can't," Sakura said, feeling angry now, "I'm not talking about physical pain, Syaoran. I'm talking about emotions. You don't feel a thing!" She walked over angrily, and the clone looked up at her again, as if curious what she was talking about.

_Those freezing eyes_, so cold, _so distant_.

She bit her lip harshly, glaring at the boy who was once so sweet, so caring and loving. The one who was now waiting for her to give an argument clinical enough to sway his emotionless actions. _But how was it even emotionless when he kept going for something this intimate?_

Was this pure physical need driving the clone?

She let out a frustrated sound, lifted her hand, and slapped the boy straight in his face.

"Didn't you see violence wasn't working?"

She gasped in shock when his sword slid up, cutting through the skin of her healing leg. She saw the wounded boy on the bed twitch, a hand shooting out towards the clone.

And she saw surprise in two eyes, one a brown in such a warm colour it looked fake in its unadulterated shock, the other a blue so icy it could freeze her.

Then came the dull cracking sound and she didn't see a thing anymore.


End file.
